Facebook F*CkS

If you went through your face book friends and counted...how many have you had sex with? What would that number look like? Do you still communicate with them? And Why? For future f*Cks? HMMMM. And do you send them b-day shout outs or respond to their status or comment on their photos? Do you send them the secret messages to their inbox? Why? What kind of friends are they really. Just thinking and asking. Assessing and reevaluating....Facebook Friends!?!?

Shit Happens

So, I've been away for a minute....haven't been really blogging. Haven't been on my facebook or even interested in e-mails. The last/latest blogs have been in draft form just waiting for me to push post....
So I pushed it. Nothing too great. I guess I'm kinda in a funk.

Unfortunately, the holidays sucked!!!! With way too much shit going on to name, talking or blogging about anything right now is the last of my interest....I just can't wait for 2009 to be OVER!!!! If my financial situation was better, my kids and I would've been on a beach somewhere. I figure they're too old to really believe in Santa. They get everything they want and need all year anyway. So why not spend all that money on a vacation! Then we can get away-assess, reevaluate and be better for the new year.

And yeah, I know Christmas is suppose to be about giving and celebrating the birth of christ, but I just wasn't in the spirit, mood or have the energy to do anything around christmas or the holidays. BAH Hum BUG!!! I hope and pray that 2010 is and will be better!!!

I've learned from my mistakes, went to thearpy enough to know that it's all my parents fault and I'm just crazy....LOL. I'm blessed to have great kids. The verdict is still out about true friends and what love is really about or will look like in my future. And love is so important in life...to love-give unconditionally and to be loved-with no judgements of who you are. But I have my health and happy to still have a roof over my head and food to eat. I just don't want NO MORE SHIT TO HAPPEN!!!!

All in 1 room...

OOOOOH My GEEEEEE,
So, last week was my daughters birthday. Because I'm an awesome party planner, she always has the best parties. This year was no exception. But her party isn't the issue of the blog today, it's who was at the party that I need to share......

I think I handled it well and everyone seemed to have been on their best behavior. But it was definitely tense with us all in 1 room... My ex husband felt the need to come. I guess to be there for his daughters birthday. However, he paid for NOTHING! Absolutely not a damn thing. He couldn't even help out on the pizza. DEAD beat!!! And he brought his girlfriend....Yep! So, she was completely uncomfortable, and barely said 2 words all night. I was annoyed with this behavior. I was more than pleasant! I offered her food, drinks and even complimented her on her damn boots (twice! You know I like shoes) and still nothing. I couldn't believe her inability to at least be a little social, if not to me than the other ladies that were helping me out with the more than 20+ teenage girls. She watched me like a hawk. She really didn't get the memo, that I really don't want my ex anymore. Nor did she get the memo, that he still wants me and it's him that she needs and needed to watch. Oh and of course, my ex in his truest of forms...tried, mentioned and joked about sneaking around the corner for a quickie....
UNPHUCKINGBELIEVABLE!!!!(ANNOYED AND EYES ROLLING!!!)I would NEVER!!! I'm so and have been over him. He really doesn't get it that I didn't like having sex with him then and KNOW for a fact that I wouldn't like it NOW!!!! So I won't ever consider such actions. His joke was not a bit funny.

But moving on...

And then there was my guy friend. But he was welcome and invited! Well, he had to be there! He was the photographer for the event oh and did I mention that HE WAS paying for everything!!! Yeah, so.... The audacity of my ex husband to come empty handed and with his anti-social, unhelpful and rude ass girlfriend, pissed me off. However, my guy friend acted like it was cool, but later I learned that he was annoyed by my exes nonchalant attitude of being the dad, getting the "daddy recognition" from everyone but hadn't contributed a thing. I couldn't blame him.

We weren't all drunk....that wouldn't have been good. But we all did have shots through out the night.

I couldn't wait for it to be over. For every one to leave and I could just host my daughter's sleep over with out ex/new love drama.... I was so stressed out and couldn't get drunk-What kind of supervision would that have been?

But it finally happened and now it's over...we were all in 1 room.

Token of?

Holidays-gift giving and receiving...Cards, candy, jewelry, clothes etc... When a man gives a woman a gift at anytime it means something. Actually, No matter what the reason or season. Men normally really have to like or care about the woman to even consider a gift....

So, when your man decides to give an ex/really good Friend a piece of jewelry...I pause. What the hell? What does that mean and why are you giving it to her? Jewelry is a token of something and woman take jewelry seriously!!!!

My friends, fiance wants to give his ex/"really good friend" a tennis bracelet. He hasn't given her 1 piece of jewelry but is adamant about given this ex chic this gift. I don't get it. But it's not my relationship to judge. But I would need to understand that relationship.... And I would want my token of....

He'll Never Believe

As many times as I've told my guy friend, I've only been with this amount of men...he'll never believe. He'll never believe that sex means more to me than a fuck. He'll never believe that what I do with and for him is ONLY for him, I don't do for ANYONE! He'll never believe that intimacy, love making-sex...is very special and means something to me. He'll never believe that I don't share or want to share that level of intimacy with anyone, but the man I love-him. He'll never believe that I don't put myself out there like that. He'll never believe that I respect myself-WAY TOO MUCH and more than just allowing some man to benefit from my goodies. He'll never believe that I'm terrified of diseases and my goodies are so sensitive that we see STD's coming, so we stay the hell away. He'll never believe that not allowing random men to get to me like that makes me feel good about me. He'll never believe that there are really women out there that care more about themselves and their bodies then people think. He'll never believe that I'm just not promiscuous, that I like the chase and not the act.

But what he does believe, is that I have the good good and can't bear to believe that I've given it to someone at all.

So, he'll never believe that I trust him enough to know that he can ever be faithful......

Happy Life

1 year ago today, I had major surgery. Could've not been here today. And I'm so blessed and happy to be here, living and enjoying LIFE. Though 2009 has proven to be difficult...with unemployment, bouts of depression, my drinking, emotional set backs, therapy and much much more. Today, I'm happy to be living.

I'm happy and so thankful for my amazing and wonderful children. They are in fact why I fight to live. I'm blessed with beautiful parents, an awesome family and phenomenal friends. I'm blessed to have a home to go to every night and all the amenities. I'm blessed that things can and could be so much worse, but are not.

I have so much more living to do and have only just begun. Things can and will only get and be better.

I am and will have and celebrate... A HAPPY LIFE!!!!

Out of the Blue

Days, weeks, months, years have gone by that I haven't thought about him, like that. I hated how things ended, but it made sense and was for the best. Every once in a while I would get those dumb forwarded text and/or e-mails but never put any energy into them, simply just pushed delete. So....how and why can and did he pop back up out of the blue into my life again? Like clock work, I have a disagreement with my boyfriend and ring ring guess who's in town and wants to grab a drink? Like clock work, when I'm in my feelings and dealing with relationship stuff.
I would get a call from him, of all people. The one, that could and use to make me weak in the knees.

I should've said "No", but I was curious. I was curious to chat, catch up and see what he had been up and into. I was curious to see what he looked, smelled and dressed like, since we last saw one another. I was curious why he was calling me. I was curious to see what my emotions would do.

We met at a bar (out in public on purpose!) and had a drink, 2 maybe three but I was in full control of all my capacities. He dressed the same-still casual suave. He looked the same, but in better shape (he'd been working out...he always had a nice body) But I was not moved. He still smelled delicious. But I did not get moist. He still had the softest lips and though he tried to kiss me during our hug I was not phased. I stopped him in the midst of his action and slid out of the hug. And he talked the same, the same bullshit before he walked out my door years ago. I did not waiver. He once had that touch that made me wobble, stutter and fall but those days were gone. Not how he looked, smelled or touched me made me wince.

And out of the blue as he reappeared wanting me to lay (on my bed) I sent him into the dark.

My Neighbor

The day I unloaded the UHaul truck, to move into my new house I met my neighbor. Well, actually we only spoke pleasantries. I never got his name and he never brought me the welcome to the neighborhood cake. We always waved in passing but never had more than 5 real words to each other. The basic... "Hey" "How are you?" "Beautiful day. Gonna wash your car?" "Have a good day." That lasted for almost 2 years.

I've since learned his name, that he met his wife in the DR, they have no children-only a really cute dog and that he works and then works out (I suppose he does have a nice body). But, had it not been for a short term house guest, I may have never learned that much. It seems my house guest and him became friendly during her stay. They would chat and hang out when I wasn't home. After finally being actually introduced, we would chat from across our yards. Every once in awhile, we would chat in one of our yards. I provide all this background to lead up to the issue...my neighbor likes me. No, he wants to sleep with me. His intentions are and would not be to court, date, chill, hang, or attempt to be with me-he just wants to fuck.

We've hung out twice. The 1st time was the (basic married man's/prep cheating) sob story about his marriage. Blah, blah, blah. I was ok with this very neighborly type hangout and felt that we could be cool. I figured everybody needs someone to talk to-a friend, when you need to talk , vent or cry. HOWEVER, the in passings became..."we should hang out" (wink, wink), comments about my boyfriend's car(s) ("still rolling with him and not me huh?"), comments about me, "Damn, you looking good today" and questions, "When you gonna let me 'take care of you'". I ignored the inappropriateness and just charged it to a man flirting. But the 2nd time we hung out (over drinks) it was a full blown conversation about what he wanted to do to me-How he wanted to beat it and eat it up. WOW Neighbor!?!?

Now, don't get me wrong. I liked the every once in a while flirty comments...the you look cute today" ones-it's good for my ego. I didn't mind being a friend/a shoulder when he was whinning about his cheating wife. And the beat it eat it conversation was interesting, but, I wasn't and am absolutely not interested. Which got me to thinking.... Do you really have sex with your married neighbor?!?! I mean everything about that is very wrong and very bad!!! He's married! The sex could be good or bad (for me or for him), either way the ramifications of either couldn't be good. The possibiloities of that bullshit would be endless.

I've since...stopped landscapping my yard...I get Juan to do that. I don't take out my trash...I get my son to do that and I only leave the house when it's dark. Because at the end of the day. I don't want my house burnt down.

Drunk A$$

Another one of those nights... A night when I don't think I've had that much to drink but I don't remember, because I obviously did have enough. I don't remember the last conversation I had or who I was talking to. Or if I was talking to anyone at all. I don't remember walking or getting into bed and I don't remember taking my clothes or shoes off. I just can't remember.

But I do remember what I drank-Remy Martin VSOP. That's my poison of choice. I remember who I was with. I remember that I was safe and didn't have to drive and didn't have to get up early the next day. But those things didn't matter to my boyfriend. He hates when I drink to get drunk. And rightfully so, I'm more than positive I'm not that cute, classy lady he knows so well. But at some point, my alter ego-who can be fun or not so fun...depending on what and how many drinks I've had comes out.

And I suppose I should know when to say when and know my limits, but sometimes I just don't and don't care. Sad but true. Even more sad is that, I like to drink but also don't have to drink. So why and how do I get so damn drunk? Why and how do I drink and then don't remember? HMMMM Maybe, I'm not drunk at all, but have multiple personality disorder. "I" don't have to drink, but one of my personanlities does. And one of my other personalities is a drunk a$$ and makes the 2 of us who can control the other forget everything, hence why we don't let her out too often. HMMMM. Split personalities........

But an interesting note, the same guy that hates when I'm drunk...doesn't complain about my drunk a$$ in the bedroom. So who the hell is he sleeping with?

We Had Some Fun

I have a friend that I remember exactly how we met, but not the first place we ever went. From the moment we met, we've enjoyed each others company. We talk, we laugh, we cry, eat, drink and be merry!!! We watch and talk about movies. We laugh and quote movies. We watch and talk about people. We live and enjoy life. We've always had a good time. That's what we do, we get together just to have a good time. Nothing else makes sense.

But there are some times that I will never forget and are worthy of documenting....

Possibly due to some man issue-we went to the movies to see-Diary of a Mad Black Woman, yeah typical girlfriend hang out?! Nope, we brought sippy cups of Remy and that movie just wasn't the same.

Celebrating a friends birthday-we went to a hot lounge, where there was actually no room for dancing...So we danced on the tables and was asked to leave.

Having remembered how much fun we had at the hot lounge, we went back and met the "T's". The "T's" were a group of men friends who's names all started with T. The "T's" turned out to be great hang out buddies....We always went to cool spots-like concerts (with great seats), swank restaurants and sexy new lounges.

Because of our love for food, we are and were always eating...Ihop, was our friend after hanging out. One particular night, in an Ihop, Platinum P and Pantie freak made a not so connection LOL. Weird guy, whom I had just met wanted my panties? There was our Ben's Chili Bowl experience...How dare they run out of turkey dogs!!! Not everybody eats pork! I feel only a little bad for cursing out the staff. We loved summer nights in Adams Morgan-Our Heaven and Hell night was the best. Though we had a great time....waiting in that long line, Hungry! and excited to finally get my pizza, to have it fall to the ground?! Was Not cool! Damn right the guy who knocked it down needed to give me $20 for my $3 pizza. Always wanting "breckfus", one night, I mean morning we pulled tables together to have breckfus with complete strangers-that was fun. And the most memorable but still hurts my feelings and stomach...was the night, I mean morning we went to Kramers. They had a 'chef's special' salad, that was amazing. We went again the following weekend, just to get the salad ands it wasn't on the menu. We'll never get that phenomenal salad again. Disappointing!

We had plenty of strip club nights. With any and all of our guy friends. Great nights.

We had some guy friends that were tennis fans...you gotta love ballers! LuV, LUv LUVed...hanging with the tennis fans.

And like most friends, there is always the Miami trip. The Miami trip deserves it's own blog!

Was just thinking we had some fun!!!!

Shoetherapy

So I was having one of those days. Nothing seemed to be going my way. I wasn't feeling well, issues with my boo and it was raining (I dislike the rain very much). So, when a friend needed a favor and I had nothing better to do riding through 3 states didn't seem so bad.

The favor didn't matter anymore when I saw the DSW. The day had just gotten better. My head ache and upset stomach that I had all day was gone. The rain stopped and my boo problems didn't seem to matter. Shoe stores and shoe sections of stores fill me with such joy and delight. I get excited with just the thought of perusing the aisles. The anticipation of finding a cute shoe and the possibility of it being on sale thrills me.

So, on this particular day a pair of new shoes was just what the Dr. ordered. It didn't matter-a sexy stiletto, a pretty little peep toe, a marvelous mary jane, some banging thigh high boots, a sultry strappy sandal...I just needed a new pair, I needed a pick me up-a prescription of elatedness.

My process-I walk slowly down each aisle. I glance at each shoe, pick up the ones that catch my attention, try on the ones that I really like and only purchase the ones that I absolutely love. On sale is preferred but not a required.

And on this day-I found shoes for my friend and a few pair for me. Pure exultantness! Her pair was a cute sexy little black strappy summer Steve Madden sandal-ON SALE and mine was a brown patten leather summer Ralph Lauren sandal, also-ON SALE. An absolutely euphoric day, nothing like shoetherapy.

Blah Blogging

I told my daughter I was blogging now, and she said "'blogging' is for whiners...blah, blah, blah, whine, blah, blah, blogging, whining, blah, blah. HOW DARE SHE?!?! Doesn't she realize how much time, energy and thought process goes into my blog. Or anybody elses for that matter. HOW RUDE! Please, forgive her-our youth for she know not what she says. I apologize for her.

But this particular blag is an FYI and an acknowledgment....

Good news-I got a new contract that is gonna require me to do work. Bad news-this will not allow me to blog as much as I like. So, my once 2 aday blog fixes will have to be cut back to 1 aday or a few times a week. Sorry to my asharpwomanslife addicts. Gotta pay the bills.

Now for the acknowledgement... I was perusing some other blogs today and came a cross a few http://www.sweetinsanityandsarcasm.blogspot.com/, http://www.thismufuckarighthere.blogspot.com/, http://www.notallbaltimorechicksarestuoid.blogspot.com/, and I think http://www.letsgetiton.blogspot.com/ if the websites are incorrect please forgive me ladies. But these young lady's blog sites are fun, funny and interesting to say the least. I wish I had blogging as a release when I was 20 anything.... Wow!!! the things I would've said. But anyway, if you stop by my blog and were not satiated maybe give theirs a look see. They're definitely funny and upfront, just how I like.

As for my blah blogging buster a$$ baby boo... She really should, could and needs to blog herself. I'm confident she would enjoy it. She lives a fortunate and exciting life!!! I can only imagine the things she could and would say (including the stuff she would and could say about me)....Ms. fashion diva herself at thirteen, her blog would be popping.


This is to all the bloggers...those now and the ones yet to come....BLAH BLOGGING!!!

Lesbian Sister?!

*screaming*

"NO, I will not be!!!! I like BOYS!!!!"

I had been minding my own mom business in my room and was trying very hard to avoid getting involved in another sibling scuffle. But this one seemed like I had to inquire...

"What is going on? What are y'all arguing about?" I was not ready for the answer nor the conversation...

*screaming*

My, dumb brother wants me to be a lesbian.

Wow, OK. Like I said, I was not ready for the answer nor the conversation and should have continued to mind my own mom business. So I had to ask to get the full story...here's what I learn...

My son wants (I leave this in present tense because it is still the case) my daughter to be a lesbian because he doesn't want to have to worry about beating up the boys/men that will hurt her in the future.

Hmmm, FYI. Women can and will hurt her just like men.

I learn further that he wants her to be a lipstick lesbian and to only like lipstick lesbians, that he could also be attracted to. Double WOW! WTF! Where did I get him from? And where did he get that thought process?

So then the question... "Mom would you be mad if she wanted to be a lesbian?"
Hmmm, of course I wouldn't, I love love men but know there are some beautiful women out there that need love too. But do I say that out loud?

So I respond, "Of course not, she can like and love who she wants to like and love regardless of sexual orientation." Proud of myself, feeling confident that, that was the appropriate answer! Right?!

*screaming"

"Mom, I Like BOYS!"

I guess wrong answer. She wanted me to confirm her sexuality and fondness to boys and only boys. I was suppose to answer with a strong, "Yes, I would be mad" But would I really? Would, why and does it matter when our girls are lesbians but angry and in denial when our boys like boys? Why is that the case? HMMMMM. Tough one. So I just said I wanted her to be happy with who she loves, and she loves Boys! Great come back and fix mom.

So we concluded that lesbian nation was not in her future. I actually didn't and wasn't ready to discuss my daughters sexuality. That's my baby girl. She's not ready, I'm not ready and obviously her brother is not ready!

But honestly, I was just wondering...what type of women my daughter would like? I know what type I like...
But I didn't say that out loud either.

Ungrateful

How and why does a woman get a good man and let him go. How and why does a woman get a man but she doesn't appreciate all that he does for her? How and why does a woman marry a man that she actually doesn't like but stays...because she knows he's good to and for her. How do good women miss out on good men, that end up with ___________I won't call 'em that, you fill in the blank.

So, I have a friend (well not really a friend, more like an acquaintance) who is married to a really great guy. And when I say a great guy...I mean the works hard (to provide for his family), cleans (washes clothes and dishes and makes sure the house is germ free every weekend), takes care of his woman (the running of bath water after a long day, feet and back rubs, warming up the car in the winter, taking it to get washed and every three month maintenance)nurturing the children and NOT cheating kinda great guy. He has a good job, doesn't live with his mother and is actually good looking. He does community service AND goes to church. Yep, just a great guy.

Everyone knew he loved her by the way he looked at her. (You can always see it in a mans eyes. when he really loves a woman) He proposed to her at an NFL football game in front of millions and they had a BEAUTIFUL wedding (that I of course planned and coordinated)... He bought her a gorgeous house, nice car and they even take vacations...But she wasn't happy then and not happy now. So why the hell did her ass get married. Why did she take him off the market and not allow some other more grateful woman take advantage of Queendomness (yes I free styled that one).

It bothers me greatly! It bothers me that even when he is busting his ass to make her happy, she finds any and everything to complain about. While he continues to run about oblivious to her complaining only feet away. It bothers me even more, that on the days that she has decided to nag, bitch and moan at him. That he often sits in denial excusing her for her behavior stating "she's just having a bad day"?! Yeah, a 10+ year long bad day. And when he's drunk enough to talk about it, he blames himself. WTF!!!!! He doesn't even beat her LMAO. (I do NOT condone physical abuse or domestic violence...it was just a joke).

Where do we find these men. Where are they hiding? And how and why did I miss the draft for that army of men, so I could sign up? She has no idea how good she has it, and won't step outside her own ego and selfishness to see it. She is emotionally abusive, which can be as damaging as physical abuse and doesn't even kow it. She will never leave him and he will never leave her. Pity!!! I suppose that I should be happy that she has a good man. But I can't when she treats him so poorly. I should be happy that there is still hope out there for other women, to find a great guy. I should just mind my business but...

Her ass is truly ungrateful.

Cool with the EX

Is it really possible to be cool with your ex? Is hanging out platonically actually doable? I can confidently say yes, but only for myself. You see, I haven't been in love with my ex for YEARS!!! I'm not attracted to him in anyway and I barely like him. So sex thoughts NEVER cross my mind...I didn't necessarily like it when I was with him then so I'm more than positive I won't like it now. But don't get me wrong, I care about him deeply, but have no interest in rekindling anything at any point. We are just cool.

So, it's funny to hear that all his current girlfriends are concerned about us being cool. They seem extremely jealous and overly insecure about me. I get that I'm the mother of his children, we have history and I happen to still look as good as I did 15 years ago if not better now. And of course, no one can ever hold a match to me in being able to really be the one he truly loves. But hey, I digress.

My thought however is, who she/they should really be more worried about is him....I get that he still loves, wants to be with me, blah, blah, blah. I'm the mother of his children and still hott, blah, blah, blah. We still can make each other laugh and have a good time together blah, blah, blah. Did I already say and I'm still cute? LMAO!(I'm feeling myself today...good therapy session, glass of wine, oh and I have my lip gloss and heals on today):) But I reiterate...that's not for us anymore. Additionally, not only is he still trying very hard to reconcile, he is also still very hard at work in his old habits of entertaining several woman. He now feels comfortable to do it right in front of me.... So why is it me, that she/they are so concerned about? HMMMMMMM,

So is it hypocritical to question my guy friends relationships with his ex(es)? Is it wrong that my gut tells me 'bullshit' that he is no longer attracted to her/them and or that they are not or haven't been intimate? Does it make sense that I'm completely insecure that his ex(es) are sexy, successful and may have pleased him sexually better than I ever did? Is it crazy when he tells me, that none of those relationships are for him, not interested in reconciliation for any of them,that he is not attracted to them and that they are just cool?! Hmmm, he's just cool with his ex my ass... They still talk (probably more than we do) and text and e-mail too for that matter. They hang more than we do. Shit, their actually more of a couple than we are...Yeah, cool with his ex.

Get Out of Your OWN Way

Women have an idea or vision of what we want our soul mate to be. We know what we want him to look like and how he dresses from head to toe. We hear his voice and know exactly how he will speak; every verb, noun, the slang or not and if he stutters or has a lisps. His walk and posture are sketched in out minds and is only gone when he walks away. And his very own scent lingers in our minds all day. He is and always will be specifically what I want. I mean, God did say, be specific! No detail of him is left out. So, the specific standards are set, we go forth and find.

We seem to find exactly what we were looking for over and over again. But for some reason the relationship(s) don't work. So we look again and again, to only be disappointed once Again. We do seem to find him repaeatedly only in different packages. We seem find him with major details missing. So we look again, with the missing details added this time to only fall short again. At the end of the day-what we've been looking may have been what we wanted but definately not hat we needed.

I'm not saying lowering our set standards are the answer. Standards are good but detailed standards are better. And after each relationship a new more detailed standard was added, providing more guidance for the next. But how long does this or can this go on? As the cycle continues great possibilities may have been missed.

It's been said repeadetly that there are "no good men out there". But where is everyone looking? Obviously the places that were searched before only produced the same results. No results-ended relationships and still, the sad single woman syndrome. As the missed opportunities walk by, many find them selves saying..."but he doesn't seem like anybody I would "He doesn't look like any of the men I've ever been with before." Hmmmm, maybe not but, he's probably what's needed.

All the specific Mr. Rights have been wrong and the guy who looks and seems like he's all wrong, maybe actaually Mr. Right!!!!

Sometimes we just gotta get out of our own way.

On to the Next One

How long should a person take to move onto their next relationship? Does it depend on how long the previous relationship lasted? Does it matter if you were just boyfriend/girlfriend or married? If you rush into the next relationship quickly does it mean that the previous relationship was less significant than one may have thought?

Whatever the answer, I definitely think finding and loving yourself again is critical. Additionally, carrying baggage into the next relationship isn't so good either. So, is a slow process with little to no communication better or easier? Or abrupt and done? Which ever, pace is important and we all have to do it on our own time.

So where to start? What's the approach? Maybe some "Me" time, for reflection and realization? Or drowning yourself into workout plans and work? Hmmmmm, maybe catch up with girlfriends that were neglected during the course of the relationship. Or catch up at old lounges/bars that were avoided during the relationship.

I have a friend that says "New sex, helps you forget about the old sex" And another says "Lots of new sex will get you an STD" LOL. Point made and taken, however...what happens on those lonely nights when you're alone and you have been for months and the sex just doesn't help anymore? When the girl friends go home to their boyfriends after all the catching up is done? What happens when the bars are closed? Or what if you guys were really good friends? Does your ex become your next?

Well, I'm no relationship expert and could or would not ever tell anyone how to move on to the next. I just know that on this ride of life and love the next ride should always be better than the one before!!!

Fools Rush In

This month several couples I know have celebrated and will celebrate their anniversaries. Each one 10+ years. They all met and married under different circumstances, but have managed to stay together. One couple sent me flowers and a thank you card-thanking me for them being together. I only took the credit for the introduction. While another couple still together, they seem strangely unhappy. I don't take credit for anything wrong with that one. Then there's the couples that others only dream to mimic, the ones that have been married 15, 20 and 25+ years.

But I also have a few friends that though together for many years are just not ready to hmmm lets say, make it official. They've been together for YEARS!!! Some with children others with none. They live as married couples but are hmmmm lets say (like Facebook) it's complicated. I support Happiness...whether married, in a relationship, or complications. Whatever it's called, I say do what's best for you!!!!

SOOOOOO.....Best maybe, taking your time...getting to know your partner; for however long that may take. Best maybe, taking your time....getting to know your partner-together;with no intentions of getting married; just being together. Best maybe, taking your time...getting to know your partner; as you plan your wedding. OR Best maybe.... Fools rush in.....

All the anniversaries being celebrated this month, they all did.

His Friend?!

Women know when their husband's or boyfriend's friends like and flirt with us. And we also know if and when we give it attention. So is it ok that after you've broken up that you can then hang out, like and flirt back with him. And do you tell your ex? Do you get or need his approval? Do you or can you have sex with him and or possibly consider marriage? And what if you and your ex get back together after said relationship occured. Is that weird? Is it wrong and do you at any point ever tell your ex? And who is or was the aggressor when the circumstances were presented?

I've been in, know some of my girls have been in and a couple of my girls are in such situations....So let's explore this.....

-Flirting back and then hanging out-> I think ok, but ONLY, after the relationship is over and as long as you don't have sex with the friend!
-Having sex with the friend-> Never tell the EX! Just NEVER have sex with the friend hmmm or maybe the EX again.
-Having sex and then deciding to marry the friend-> I think a REAL conversation is in order!!! But don't have sex with the EX again. LOL.

DAMN his sexy friends!!! Why wasn't it his friend before it was him? But HMMM, would it just be the same thing but the Ex was the FRIEND????

LMAO!!!

Married Male Friends....

I have a few married male friends. I've known them before they were married and a couple after they were married. Some of their wives I've met and know fairly well, while others remain a mystery. I get random text, forwarded silly e-mails and/or called when they want to hang out. And though these guys are handsome, successful in their careers and like to have a good time. I've never been intimate with any of them and don't want them in any way. They're just my boys...we're cool and I have no issue with our friendships. And so, as with your boys/girls....I just so happen to know their dirt. Yep, about their girlfriends/mistresses and or jump-offs. I realize the conflict in it all, but I'd rather not get involved....

But here is my issue. They love their wives. Their wives are beautiful, successful in their careers or happy homemakers, care for them and their children and have no intention of ever divorcing them. So why do they cheat on them? Why do they have their girlfriends/mistresses and jump-offs? Why do they love them but don't like them...hence why they don't hang out with them????? It perplexes me. Even more so, I'm more than confidant that the wives are fully aware of their husbands activities. Why is it acceptable?

One friend told me that as soon as he married (I'll call her Jane) that Jane changed. Jane had once been fun. He said Jane use to hang out and was a lot more spontaneous. I argued for her and explained, it's not so easy when Jane is the one taking care of the children. He stated, that she complains about not getting out or having fun anymore, but when given numerous opportunities. She denies them. I left that one alone because I don't know all those details. While another friend said, once he married (I'll call her Sally) Sally stopped having sex with him. I tried to argue again saying that her schedule was hectic and he was not helpful. He expressed trying to to help as well as getting her help i.e a maid or nanny and she declined. So, again not knowing all the details I backed outta that argument as well.

However, my final questions always change the tone of the conversation....Why cheat and stay married. Why does he put her through that? And in the cases that she knows-why does she stay? The only answers that are somewhat rational...she looks good on paper, it's cheaper to keep her and keeping the family together. So, I leave it alone. The man rationale is warped!!!!! My answer, they want their cake and eat it to with ice-cream on the side. All which causes tooth decay and halitosis of the mouth=BS!!!!!

But in the back of my mind, I can only think of who's reaping the benefits...hanging out at cool hott spots, eating at amazing restaurants, go places that the wife declined, and getting the married life with out being married.... IS THAT WRONG???

Who's Counting?

I counted three, three times that I cursed when it was really good. But he had no idea and then later asked, "Oh was that when you were like SHIT? Oh, OK?" WTF!!! I remember when he cared. I remembered when it was and there were no questions asked-just sleep. And now it's "Oh". Am I more focused on and concerned about me now. Do I have our whole session clocked down to a 't'? HMMMM, I wonder, I'm so distracted.

Men are so funny, they want to act like they are putting in so00 much but then two, three days later he has that dumb look and asks... 'Did you cum the other night?" Is he serious? During the whole session he seemed to be working so hard talking so much shit... "Yeah, baby Take that, take that"-like he's P Diddy and "Yeah, you like how daddy gives it to you huh?" While after about 10-20 minutes I'm thinking, I just wish you'd finish. I've been there twice and back. When will you get here?

And is it still necessary to actually say out loud... "I'm cumming"? I suppose for him it is. Who is he telling? And why does he want them to know? But do women? Do we really scream out, in delight the actual words of "I'm cumming?" Is it necessary? Is it so he knows (or thinks) mission accomplished? OR are we still faking when we do and don't? Man, it's just way too much to think about...damn it. I just want to obtain my bliss however many times and hope he can or does keep up with me. I mean, for real...isn't that what we all want?

I love men....

It's something about a tall dark chocolate BALD man that gets my juices flowing. I love rubbing his head and in our most intimate moments together, kissing it so softly that it does something for us both. And the cutie batootie light skin babes with the tight beijing fades-it wasn't just the 80's. Then there's those muy caliente dread men, that make me take a double take. I love grabbing them like reins and making him submit to my needs. When they lightly graze my back drives me crazy!!! And oh my, the swag of those bad boy tattooed Latino boys. EYYYYYYY Papi. He can talk all the shit he wants in Spanish as long as it ends in mi amor!!! And I won't forget my clean cut sensual Brad Pitt look-a-like honeys. They seem to be so passionate. But I bet behind closed doors, we're making movies.

Don't get me wrong, the hard working nice athletic build and muscular body type is pretty hott too. They look like they put in work. I visualize them fixing ANYTHING broken in my house. Oh, minus the butt crack. And then the sexy Athletes...football, basketball, baseball men....TOUCH DOWN!!!!! And only if Tiger knew *growl*.

And when a man loves a woman...Chivalry is not dead! The compassion, romance, the want and need to protect, support, provide and build a life with you is an amazing thing. He tells you daily how much he loves you and is in love with, how beautiful you are, how much he needs and wants you. He doesn't wait for a holiday to express his love. He respects, trust and communicates with you. He commits to you and only you...

And then I woke up

DAMN DREAMS

Oral Pleasure

What is it about oral pleasure that women enjoy soo much? And what determines if it's actually good. I've not always been a big fan of it, but have experienced some exceptional opportunities of receiving.

I found myself comparing abilities...

While one was able to spell words with his tongue ever so gently in, on and around the area and then kissed the lips as if they were the ones I use to kiss with. I noted that he was the best. He enjoyed it as much as I did.

However! Another was able to pay such detail to the area that matters most-flickering his tongue so quickly that I was sure he would get a cramp. He also licked and kissed places that only few go. And even more exciting than the use of toys, he added a few techniques that made me whimper in delight. I then noted and memorized that he in fact was the bestess. He not only enjoyed it but loved and loves providing such pleasure.

I've thought back to others. What had happen to those mad oral pleasure givers? They too performed satisfactory work but didn't maintain a lasting memory of the occasions. Maybe it was the lack of detail and focus. Maybe the thought that toooo much toooo fast and when we squirm meant we liked it, was a turn on for them. Or maybe they just had no idea what they were doing.


HMMMMM, But for the real men of pleasure, I say stand up and take a bow! I just have to ask....What makes them want to be the best at what they do? Where do they learn these maneuvers and techniques? Is there a class for others to take? Because I know some who may want to enroll.

Ladies, I suppose if we enjoy it and want it done right we're gonna have to tell them. But maybe, just maybe....the majority of them have taken that "oral pleasure class"

Is it just the Sex?

What makes you stay in a relationship? What makes you continue to have sex with someone. What happens when the emotional piece of the relationship is gone but you continue to have sex with the person because.... yeah, you don't know.

That's it, I'm done. because I don't know why....

Cougar?!

I'm told everyday how young I look. People often assume my children are my siblings and yep, I get carded every single time I purchase alcohol. I've gotten use to it. It's a wonderful gift and blessing to have great genes. So, I guess though I'm closer to 40 than 20 anything...its safe to say that I'm grown and sexy. But the good can also be a curse.

Since I was young I've always dated older men. I should've stuck with older men...my ex-husband was my age and we're divorced. But since my divorce, I've noticed a rise in attention from younger men. It started with just a few (3-5) years younger than me. Then somehow I found myself meeting much younger (10-12 years) men. What was going on? Each of them were college educated and graduated, sucessful in their carreers and they didn't look that young at all. How would I have known? I didn't meet them in any place that young guys would hang out. It was odd.

But I've found that my attraction to them didn't and doesn't last. Though great in bed, I found myself bored with communication/subject matter and life experince limitations. So, would I really be considered a cougar? I don't look for them, they find me and then I don't keep them. Cougars, find their prey and attack....

HMMMM, maybe I'm more like a deer...they leave their fawn when they think something is wrong with it. LOL. But that's so not sexy....I'm gonna think of my sexy animal. LMAO!!!

How Many?

Do any of us know how many sex partners we've had? Does anyone keep count? Do any of us care? I actually do know my number and keep count. You gotta keep count (if you can't at least the majority of them)....COOTIES!!!! I'm afraid of cooties....but anyway.

Why do men ask that of their girlfriends? What does knowing the answer do or mean to them? Why does it matter? Men only want to hear that his girlfriend has only had sex with...their child/drens father and himself-LMAO!!!) So silly. But they can and could have had sex with hundreds of women and it's ok. Why is that ok? Because he needed more sexual partners for experience-to be better for who?

What about virgins and people who practice celibacy? I think both scenarios are a beautiful thing. But does the partner always appreciate the act? Can the partner reciprocate and or appreciate the true meaning behind virginity and celibacy.

0-100, does the number matter? Is is quality over quantity?
Who's counting?

Love vs. In Love

A friend of mine posted on their Facebook wall a question about love vs. in love....is it fleeting, when do yo know, and bla, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So a few things bothered me about the post. What was the real motivation? To get attention from someone in particular? (You know I hear facebook is the new match.com) Why ask the FB fam (as some call it) Or maybe it was to really get an answer.

So the responses (from MANY past, current and future suiters) came in. They were sweet and all mushy-from woman and men. But honestly, do we still need to ask others about love, who we love and why we love them? What does asking anyone do? Regardless of the answer we are gonna do what the hell we want. Love happens and we have no control over it.

I think what annoyed me most,were some of the hidden agendas in the responses. Well, I didn't provide my comment...I didn't want to seem jaded on the subject. Funny, the person actually called and text me asking did I read the post and asked what I thought and why I hadn't commented. Dude, I'm not a doctor...I just play one on TV.

The Good Good

I've been told I have the "Good Good" on more than 1-2 occasions. My gynecologist has also told me I have a very clean vagina-text book perfect pussy (It seemed very inappropriate, but I giggled inside). But is that really a compliment. DAMN Skippy....But which compliment matters most?

What makes the good good "Good Good"? So, I've heard...it's the way it taste, the way it smells, and of course how it feels-when he's inside its cozy the vaginal walls/canal is not to long, not too short, and never to big. It can squeeze and pulsate a little during the process. Also, how wet it is and gets is imperative and then the bonus...if it's HOT. Yes, like temperature Hot (I guess 98.6 degrees? Or is it hotter down there? Anyway) Oh yeah and you can't just lay there during... Hmmm OK. Interesting litmus test. But by those standards, I think every woman thinks they have the good good.

And for this reason, is why the doctors compliment matters most. The doctor is a trained professional on vagina's! The smell or the lack there of, the amount of cells that creates the wetness and if everything is functioning properly is the most important statement someone can say about my "Good Good". Taste nor the ability to do anything with it doesn't matter if the vagina has cooties.

There is no woman out there that doesn't think her good good isn't "Good", "Great", the most fantastic in the world. And because men know that, no-one goodies is like another....is why he cheats, can't commit, and or wants three-somes and polyamory relationships. But once he realizes that he has found a woman that does have the "Good Good", it will bring him home at night, keep him home at night.

So why am I single again? Oh yeah....he didn't have the Good GoodS!

Who Does he Think he Is?

Every once in awhile, I get fortunate enough to get a weekend all to myself. The kids go with their dad. No children, no mommy responsibilities, just me. Moms love those types of days/weekends. When those fortunate weekends occur, I use to travel (another blog for another day). But this weekend, I stayed in the area and spent quality time with me and found time for a guy friend...

At the end of the movie, we hugged and said our pleasantries of goodbye. It was still a little early, so I thought I'd invite him back for a drink.

PAUSE!!!!

Yep, when were my children coming home? So, I called one of them.
"Hey, what time will you guys be home?"
"Oh hey, mommy. We're already home. Hold on daddy wants to talk to you"

IN SLOW MOTION....

"WHAT!? Why the hell is he still at my house?!" Drop the kids off and go!!!

"What's up? Where you at? What you cook for dinner? I'ma get me a drink. Oh, cute shoes. What you get from Vickie's?"

FREEZE!!!

Why was he there? Why was he was going through my cabinets and refrigerator. Why was he in my room looking at my new shoes :)(You know shoes makes me happy) I've bought. He found a Victoria's Secrets bag and proceeded to go through it. He then asked who I was wearing my sexy little (and I mean little) number for and various other questions.

Unpause...

It took a lot of energy not to really curse him out. Cursing him out would only prolong his stay and mess up my plans for my nightcap. I politely asked him to leave and to be gone by the time I got home. I made up some reason why I was completely annoyed with him and didn't have the energy to fight with him when I got home. He didn't want that battle, he left. But the audacity....

END SCENE....

Blogging

I recently had a chance to go through some other bloggers blogs....you guys are great. Some really creative thinking out there. Your words are captivating sometimes inviting. Many of them have made me, say...I gotta step my game up.

I've enjoyed small peaks into your worlds, some sad though others delightful and intriguing. I applaud all of you for your time, energy, strength, and most of all your words that motivate. Thank you!

Blogging, Bloggers are the Best!!!!!!

Double Booked

Being double booked is a single girls happiness. Two hot dates in one day! Yeah, but you have to be good at it. You have to plan appropriately, ensuring that nothing occurs to mess the great day up.

Timing is important. You want to make the second date with the guy you want to spend the most time with. The first one can not be attention and time stingy as the date may begin to linger and possibly effect the time prep for the second date.

Outfit prep is also key. You gotta know where your going on both dates. The outfit must be able to accommodate both events. Don't want to be under or over dressed for either date, but dressed cute enough to make your date feel special. And tip from my daughter, yep the 13 year old. You may wanna bring an additional top to change into-just in case the 1st date is wearing cologne and happens to leave a lingering smell of his scent. Your second date would hate to smell your first date. LOL-she's too cute...a dive in the making.

Communication can be tricky. Confirm all details prior to each date. Texting and chatting during the date is inappropriate date etiquette...again making the date that you're currently on feel special is whats important. And unless your a big eater like me, decide which date you want to eat a full course meal.

Yep, 2 dates in one day...Let the fun begin. Gotta go my 1st date is in 30 minutes ;).

Emotional Sex

I had a friend tell me recently that the sex was so good it made her cry. I shared that she was not alone. I've had similar sex situations. But what is the crying really about.....

I've cried because...OH YES!!!!! It was absolutely mind blowing. I had no control of anything at some point and then I realized that tears were running down my face. Was it really that good or was it some deeper emotion behind the tears....like DAMN, this is the LAST time sex, why dose he cheat on me sex, the I've missed you and this right here (this shit right here) sex, the long time no see sex, and of course the make-up sex.

But, isn't that actually an oximoron? Should you really be crying during sex? Sex releases indorphins and adrenaline into your body during sex-so what the hell is going on with our minds that we over ride the pleasure sensations and crying begins. Additionally, Isn't that kinda weird, that not only tears are running down your face your nose will also begin to run and you'll have to start sniffling to try and control it. That's way too much going on.

Damn, emotional sex. I'd much rather the sex that knocks me out-sleep immidetaialy after. Or the non commital sex that allows me to dap him up and say "Thanks, same time same place-next week". Because if I'm crying, then I love and am in love with him and that's a whole nother blog for a whole nother day.......

Do I like Girls?

Hmmmmmm, so it's Friday. What kinda of trouble could I get into tonight? There's always the club, for dancing. Maybe a lounge for having a cocktail? Dinner with friends or a friend. And sense I'm thinking trouble a movie is out. I want a little bit more excitement. I think I'll call one of my friends and suggest the strip club. More specifically, one of my guy friends...

So, just because I like girl strippers does that mean I like girls? Some would argue yes, but I beg to differ. There is something a little wrong with men tieing things around their penis' to maintain their erections during their performance. Further, I've never thought watching their penis's swinging back and forth like soap on a rope was sexy. Yeah, their suave moves and pelvic thrust can be a little stimulating. Their bodies are typically really nice so their ability to pick up the biggest girl in the room can be pretty impressive, but ho hum. That gets old. AND, I think a large percentage of them are actually homosexuals.

Now on the other hand, women exotic dancers are just that-exotic. They are much more creative, more sensual and shit sexy. They also have some pretty nice bodies-some bought and some work out to maintain, but sexy none the less. And yeah, there are some of them out there that should have quit along time ago-as they have lost their attrait sexuel!, but hey I'm sure it still pays the bills. And I don't see nothing wrong with acknowledging another womans beauty and or sexuality. I'm quite confident in myself. May even learn a few moves.

I also think going to the strip club with your significant other can be kinda fun. You talk about the crowd, the dancers, watch your man flirt alittle, maybe even flirt alittle yourself and then take all that excitement home. Yeah, GENTLEMAN'S clubs are just better!

YEAHHHH....Gonna go call my boy, we're gonna make it rain tonight.

Wax Much?!

Remember that scene in Sex in the City when Samantha glanced over and saw a bush growing from Miranda's crotch? Ok, yeah...true story! A very good friend of mine (& when you read this you know I LOVE you!!!) Has (well since the incident I believe she has taken care of the issue, or at least hope so!) Had a forest growing from her crotch!!! It is or was ridiculous (i pray she's taken care of it)!!! And this is the same chic that boast about keeping it tidy down there and that her man has to as well. If he doesn't he needs to conform. Additionally, at some point made me reconsider my own personal hygiene habits, of waxing.

So when I saw the rain forest running down her legs. I had to say something. Only a really good friend would. I mean, I wasn't trying to look that direction. I don't typically just look at womens' crotches (unless I'm at the strip club, but I digress) But when the Goonie GOO GOO came out the shower and decided to air dry. I couldn't help to not only notice, look, but stare in awwh-that she had an entire wooded area between her legs. How could I allow her to continue to let herself go about like that. How could she let it get so bad?! And further WHY?!

Ok so, I know she hadn't been in a sexual relationship in awhile, But DAAAYYYYYUUUUUMMMMM!!!! It had to be stopped. Whether in a relationship or not. It must be done for self preservation! It is not acceptable to plant your own trees about. And Further, men... I must implore you to do the same! Additionally, when sending photos of your little man; while you may be proud...please consider ensuring that a jungle does not lie beneath.

We must keep is sexy! Not just for them, but for ourselves!!!!!

We all Need Therapy

I actually went to school to become a Dr. To become a psychologist (the other ones prescribe medicine-that's too much responsibility). So I get and understand the importance of talking to someone about your issues. But not just anyone, a trained professional, who can give you real and unbiased feedback.

So, after numerous life crisis...divorce, serious life threatening surgery, unemployment and depression I couldn't pretend to be that strong woman I always portrayed to everybody. I needed a therapist! And needed one quickly or things were only going to get worst...

And I learned...Yep, you guessed it. My ass is CRAZY-like the rest of us. Oh, but it's perfectly normal, so my therapist says. And yep, it's all my mother and fathers fault. Damn parents. LOL.

No but really, I've learned a lot about myself and am growing mentally and emotionally with each session. I would recommend it to everybody. Life brings challenges and we can't always handle them all.

Shit, we all need therapy!

Just thought I'd ask

For several years now, I've had e-mail chats with friends about various dating, relationship, all types of sex topics and more stuff. A lot of them sparked interesting conversations.

So, I thought I would throw a few of those topics out there to see if it catches the attention of any of my readers. Feel free to comment as, some may like your responses to the topics-for I am not all knowing of the sex and/or relationships. I myself am currently single and practicing celibacy-and NOT by choice. But I sure like to talk about it....

-Dating your EX...Good idea bad idea?
I say do what makes you happy, but know the consequences and don't be mad at yourself in the morning.

-To fetish or to be prudish?
Depends on the fetish...I may like it

-To wax or not to wax
I say just keep it tidy. No one wants to be in someones messy kitchen

-What is the proper way to approach oral sex. How does a man or woman ask for oral sex without just assuming that the other person is willing to provide the service.
Hmmmmm, I guess I like it as much as the next girl. But you can't just do that to every body. Gotta watch for hygiene patterns.

-Swinging, it's just not for playgrounds anymore.
I say, whatever keeps the momentum going in the relationship. And if you both like it then go for it. I mean they have conventions......

-Role playing?
I've never done it, but I'm willing to try, I like dressing up.

Well those are just a few of those kinds of topics. Let me know what you think. I could go on for days...maybe one of the topics catches your eye and wanna comment. Or would like me to explore the topic further.....

Decision Making

So, I'm just getting home from what was a required meeting for my son's school. It was for parents and their teens to discuss teen driving responsibility and mostly drugs and alcohol.

I'm more than confident that my son is far from the pressures of drugs and alcohol. Saying "no" is not a problem for him. My fear is the driving. The percentage of car accidents which were caused by or included teens is vast. The numbers are alarming. I'm sure that my son is and will be a safe driver but it's the other idiots on the road that I'm worried about.

But the meeting's real focus was on teens-drinking and driving. More than 75% of the students said they wouldn't drink, but would be the designated driver for their friends. Wait, hold on...so my first concern is. The students have friends that drink?! None of the parents were concerned with that part of the scenario. Wow!!! I wanted to discuss that further. But instead, we discussed being sure that they called home to say they would be late for curfew, oh and by the way I'm also driving my drunk ass friends home. WTF?!?!!? The consequences behind a). and Number 1....getting stopped by the police!!! then b). driving past curfew. c). driving with drunk teens in the car. So, hmmmm why were we not discussing the foundation of telling the students not to drink at all. Moreover, that if there is drinking at the party they need to bring/take their asses home? So the ramifications....a). and Number 1...the designated driver looses his license (from 6mths-1 year) and has to attend classes, possible community service, oh and receive fines for each drunk ass friend in the car. Oh, and the friends receive citations as well. Also possible rejection from a preferred college they wanted to attend. And last but not least, the inability to say no I've never been arrested on ANY application.

So, why was it OK to let the majority of students in the room agree to be the designated driver, regardless of the consequences? Why weren't we more focused on our children's decision making of who their friends are and what they do at parties. Guess our priorities and values are just different.

Well, I said my peace but that turned into the parents being content with their children communicating with them about drinking-being and getting drunk. WTF!!!

So now, I just pray that my son decides to stay away from their children.......

Receiving Help

I heard an interesting topic on the radio this morning...it was about the welfare/food stamp system and how people abuse it. People called in and sent in e-mails to the radio station and there were mixed reviews about "abuse" and/or the advantages of the system. So it got me to thinking....

I remember my mother receiving "welfare" and food stamps...it was shortly after her divorce. I remember being so embarrassed when we would go grocery shopping and she woulds pull out a coupon book-food stamps (but I was not ashamed to eat-the food that was purchased by food stamps). She had looked for a job but it did not come quickly nor easy. She received the benefits until she started working again. Hmmm, abuse? I don't think so, what were her other options? Who was going to help her? And unfortunately, she nor many of us are lucky enough to marry rich/wealthy and anticipate a large child support and/or alimony check.

Abusers...supposedly, they continue to have more children to get more money. Wow! Really?!?! ...nine months plus 18 years of a child just to get benefits?!?!hmmmm, (can't be worth it). Or sometimes they lie about their situations to possibly get more money. LOL, they claim other peoples kids or say certain people do OR don't live with them and that NOBODY else is helping them. OK! Well, whether they are abusers, liars, right or wrong. I don't know their circumstances but if they need the help to avoid eviction, going hungry and taking care of their children then so be it. It's them that will have to deal with the truth in the end.

Personally, going into the Department of Human Services building is a humbling experience. It allows you reflection on the ability and the blessing to have a job. It makes you appreciate your checks. Recipients of temporary cash assistance (thats what it's called these days) and food stamps have to subject themselves to telling some stranger all their personal and financial business and why they are in a particular situation. Further they have to prove all of it with documentation. Telling anyone only a little bit of my personal business, I get uncomfortable. All this is done to only receive possibly 1/2 the monthly salary they were earning when working. It's barely enough to honestly live off of.

While sitting in the office, listening to babies cry, watching children run around, ear hustle why people are there and complaining about how long they've been there. It dawns on you that your number still hasn't been called. Giving you only more time to think...for those of us who work everyday to earn a check, which taxes and premiums for insurance comes out of, we then have to take a percentage out to go grocery shopping, buy miscellaneous items for the house, diapers for the baby, oh and you can't forget bills and rent and of course the little bit of difference to live off of-isn't much. But, I would still much rather be at work for 8 hours then sitting in that office.

To me, Receiving help for a short period of time, is and should be just that. But working and earning a living is helping yourself!

Who Can Hang Out?!

When I had my childen in my twenties,everybody had something to say. Comments included...your life is over (at least for the next 20+ years), you won't finish school and the one I remember most...all your fun days are over.

Hmmm, well I proved all those nay sayers wrong. My life wasn't over, I finished school and my fun had just begun!!! Yeah, I might've missed some cool trips and or parties but I've certainly made up for that and continue to do so. I enjoy raising my kids and they've turned out to be pretty damn good kids.

But now, in my thirties...my kids are pretty much grown up and need little to no "real" supervsion. So, I ask "Who can hang out?" Most of my then and current hang out buddies have toddlers and infants. Now that we're grown, actually have the money to truely enjoy a great trip or hang out nobody can. So, now I think...who's life is really over? Does life really have to be over because you have kids? I think not!!!

Damn it, my hang out buddies need to drop their kids off at my house for the weekend and we need to head to MIAMI!!!! Ok, well at least ask their baby daddy's to suck it up and watch the kids...We'll be back Monday night. LOL

Hospital Doctors

So, last week I had to take my children to the ER. I've gone to the same hospital for the past 17 years no matter how far I've lived from it. My thought process is, ALL our records are there, I know the Dooctors, Going to another Hospital and then providing all my information again is a pain, not knowing the Doctors at another hospital is uncomfortable, having to only follow up with my primary physcian at that hospital later is so much more convenient. So, that's where I go and that's where I'll stay.

A good freind of mine was able to accompany me. So as we sat and waited for registration and triage several very good looking Doctors walked by, smiled and spoke pleasantries. After about the 5th or 6th Doctor, my friend says. "There are some very attractive Doctors here, I don't think I've ever seen this many good looking Doctors ever at 1 time. Is that why you come here?" I quickly responded "no" and provided her with my now practiced answer for the past 17 years.... But much later as I sat and listened to the very good smelling, good looking, bed-room eyes having, athletically built, perfect teeth, seductive smile, charming and educated orthopedic surgeon it hit me-did I really continue to come to this hospital to get my eye candy fix? Was and has it been a subconcious behavior. It had never occured to me that it may infact not been my previous reasons, but possibly because of the very good looking Doctors. They were and are always very handsome. Thinking further, I also never went to the ER in sweats and sneakers, but heels, cute jeans and lip gloss applied.

Well gotta go, the kids have their follow up appointments this afternoon.

Must Do to Keep My Boo

I think in love there has to be some give and take, a level of compromise that works for both parties. I think this compromise should be recognized early on in the relationship to maximize on the relationships fullest potential.

I think learning your partners likes and dislikes can be helpful in the early stages, to set the tone of give and take for the future. Through out the relationship you should be deligent in your execution of recognizing his/her likes and ensuring happiness.

You must know and keep in mind at all times, there is always someone vying for your position. So you must create your MUST DO to KEEP MY BOO list.....

I like and know that I need and want-love, trust, honesty, support, respect, laughter, happiness, attention, a lover and friend. I like movies, plays-theater, family outtings, vacations with family and/or just us. Love romance, intimacy and all things sexy. I like the random for no reason calls during the day, cards, text and/or e-mails to say "Hey, I love you. Just thinking about you". Our quiet time together and watching him sleep. I can go on. But My Dislikes start with smokers, rude and obnoxios men, the judgemental type, physical and verbally abusive type, liars (which includes but is not limited omission of any information, deciet, manipulation and the inability to be forthcoming, transparent, truthful and honest), CHEATERS! Don't want to always have to cook and clean, can't be dumb, the inability to make me laugh and or smile is huge. And I can go on in this category too.

Hmmmm, so I knew my ex husband liked me to cook and clean.
But I didn't know he liked oral sex.

Guess my list was too long for him though.....

Be Careful What You Ask For

After many years of an exhausting marriage. I knew exactly what I wanted and needed in my next mate. I also knew exactly what I didn't want. At some point I began to write a book. I created a character that some would only think existed in their dreams.

He was the perfect guy...He was tall dark and handsome (oh, yeah and bald....I like 'em bald). Smart, charming, nicely built (in shape at least-worked out and cared about his health. He was fluent in a few languages, was a chef, enjoyed traveling, had a nice home (2 or 3), nice cars, and a career that allowed him all the liberties.

In my book, he swept me off my feet and it was all too good to be true-we fell in love and lived happily ever after....THE END.

Yeah, but then I really met him. All of the things listed above and then some. He was my prince charming, knight in shining armor, Morris Chestnut, Tiger Woods, Justin Timberlake, Reggie Bush, George Clooney, Boris Kudjo, Brad Pitt (you get my point) all rolled into one. However...and boy do I mean HOWEVER. Was I in for a huge awakening. I feel in love and feel in love hard. He in fact swept me off my feet and then snatched the rug away. We had huge trust and communication issues. We fought as much as we loved. *(specific stories in another blog)* I still and will always love him.

I just wish I could ask for it all over again and this time be even more specific than his ability to cook me a gourmet meal and make love to me in different languages....

Attention Seeker

I think it's important that women love themselves, keep themselves up, be confident, be and stay sexy for themselves. I also think a little attention from the opposite sex helps me love me more. Makes me want to stay on top of my game. So, I think dressing up, throwing on some make up (a little or a lot, whatever suits your fancy) and just simply going to the grocery store to get a little attention is good for the soul. There is also shopping and buying yourself something nice, a spa treatment can work, maybe working out, or maybe just some you time. Whatever it takes to love you! I love me! And it's OK to say it and do it.

My self love is SHOES (that's the buying myself something nice part), I like putting on make-up (especially eyelashes) and my newest thing is my new push up bra. And every once in awhile, I get dressed-throw on some make-up (mascara and lip gloss), my new bra, jeans and cute shoes. (I feel good when I look good) And then head out for some simple attention.

I Luv football, so on a Sunday...I'll head to a local bar and order a beer. Yes a beer, men pay attention to women that drink beer. And I engross my self in the game(s). At some point, some guy may get up the courage to actually speak. Whether he speaks or not is not the point. But I saw him looking.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm quite secure and definitely don't need a man to validate my sexiness. But it's nice to see them watch and nice to know I still got it.

Women take so much time and energy loving everybody else, that we can sometimes overlook ourselves. Self love is good, no it's GREAT and we should do it more often!!! Whatever, your approach. Like NIKE...just do it!

So, I'm headed to Chili's...

Hang Over

So, I like to socially drink on occasion. And with drinking comes the grown up responsibility to know when to say when. That sometimes becomes a problem when I learn I'm not the designated driver for the night. So, I unfortunately forget the responsibility part and end up inebriated. And with inebriation out comes my alter ego. And with my alter ego out comes-who knows? Well except the people I'm with.

The next day, I learn I've (well she) has done or said some pretty crazy things. (These stories will be told at another time)But I've learned to laugh at her. But what is not a laughing matter is the black out of the rest of the night after the hmmm lets say 4th/5th REMY (Martin VSOP Cognac) neat or the 3rd/4th shot of Patron (tequila). And depending on the night (meaning a REMY night or Patron night) Various things could've happened. But I digress....

So, I typically remember dancing and with who, most conversations, how many times I had to go to the restroom, closing out my tab and walking to the car. But something happens when I get to the car. I think it's the fresh air and once I've inhaled, the events of the night are gone. I hate when that happens. But even more is the damn hangover the next morning. The I can't and don't wanna move to even go to the bathroom, yucky feeling I have in my stomach-think another drink might help, but don't want to vomit if I really reach for the bottle and last but not least. The throbbing sensation in my head that not only says "Your ass needs to stop drinking" but the sound of the Notre Dame cathedral bells...ringing right there in my room.

And damn where do my clothes go? Who and Why are they taking off my clothes?....

Naughty or Nice

Last year I was invited to a halloween party and was told I had to dress up. I was surprised that grown adults were actually going to dress up and go outside for others to see them. I was even more surprised that when I decided to go to the costume store that the store was pretty much sold out of EVERYTHING! I purchased my costume and debated all the way home and as I got dressed, was I really going to do this. Well of course I was I'm a good sport and I looked pretty cute. When I got to the party I was shocked to see that everyone in attendace was dressed as something. it was great! I saw Amy Whinehouse, the southpark gang, the disney princesses, Stewy, Lois and Peter as well as a sexy everything you can name. I had a good time. And today, I dress up again, proud this year that I still have the ability to dress up scantly and go to another party...to clean up in my sexy maid costume for my friends 6 year old halloween party.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/sy-14208675/michael_jackson_thriller_official_music_video/

Birthdays

WOW, OK so my EXhusband's birthday is today. And he asks me... "will you cook me something, for my birthday?" Is he serious? Yes, he is. Does he think he is still intitled? Yes, he does. Why? Why does he think that it's ok and appropriate to still ask for shit? Have I given him the impression that I still like him, like that? Why do men think that? And when do they stop thinking it? Or do they ever stop thinking it? Why is that you marry and have children with a man and they seem to think they still have some type of rights. As little as cooking a simple meal. Those rights ended when the contract of marriage ended. He still asks fro sex. And really thinks that I want to. I don't recall loving it with him then, so why would I even consider it now? will I cook him something? I LAUGH OUT LOUD!

Men...

But I Gotta go, I think something is burning.

Happy Birthday

I think I'm pretty good at remembering things. The basics at least...bathe, brush my teeth, do my hair, get dressed, eat...oh yeah make sure the kids do the same. Then there's the everyday mom stuff that you can put off till tomorrow...laundry, dishes, shop for toilet paper and toothpaste. But birthdays you can't forget! Family and friends won't say they're upset when you don't say something on their day, but deep down inside they're talking about you behind your back. LOL. And it's not that I really forget, I'm just known to kinda give them new birthday dates. So instead of the 24th, I thought it was the 21st. The problem with that is I still forgot to send a card. And honestly, there is no excuse. I can put the date in some kinda reminders system-they're everywhere...my phone, e-mail calendar etc.

HOWEVER....I still didn't send the card. Which leads me to my silly but real issue. I still like paper cards that come in the mailbox on my birthday. And I think some maybe not everybody else does too. BUT...you can send ecards cards to their "e-mail". And even then, you can put in the date to be sent. You can also send a text message or this one killed me..post it to their Facebook "wall", which will also send you a reminder. What the hell?! What happen to the thoughtfulness in going to the Hallmark store, perusing the aisle and selecting the perfect card (5 days before the persons birthday-because you remembered) and then sending the person their birthday card. And in it... would be a personalized message, pictures, money, gift card or something special. I would also find other cute cards for other occasions. I think everyone is just in a rush. A rush to get where is what I wanna know.

But then what happens to the card? What did the person do with it. Trash?! Well FYI...I've kept every single card someone has sent and/or given me....I suppose at some point it becomes hording but hey, I'm sentimental. I did hear that there is an organization that will take the cover of the card and recycle it for something. Maybe I'll research it more. Anyway...

So, if I haven't sent you a card this year, I didn't forget! I just gave you another birthday or simply wanted to send you a card that you got on your birthday. But check your e-mail or facebook wall post...Your HAPPY BIRTHDAY will be there...tomorrow.

Guess it's still the thought that counts

1st best friend

Added note for the day...
So, I really love my friends. But I have to say, with 1 e-mail to let them know I was blogging (LOL, that still sounds so funny to me) my 1st follower was a friend I've had for 25+ years. I haven't seen her in probably 20, but we still keep in touch. It's the coolest thing! Thanks for the support. Love Ya, CB.

Friends...no matter how far or near, they will always be dear.

Getting Started

So, a girlfriend says to me one day "Girl, your life is crazy. You should blog" And I was like,
"What? Blog? Blog what?" She said it didn't matter. The things that happen or have happened to me in the past few years, people would love to hear...They would laugh, cry, jump up and down and be sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for my next "blog". So, I thought about it. Did a little (and I mean little-lol) research and here I am.

She was kinda right, I don't know about the sitting on the edge of their seat part. But some crazy stuff has happened and definatley does happen to me. But I think I can jerk a few tears, crack a few smiles and maybe even get a few people out there to stop and go hmmmmm. I'll take it slow and when the good stuff happens I'll share. Or when I remember the great stuff, I'll be sure to post the memory.

But for starters...Thanks Nelly for the creative outlet.

*Thought of the day (I think I like that...I'm gonna do that when I "blog" LOL) Anyway, You never know which one of your friends will be that friend that makes you smile, brings out the good in you and earns their keep for the day or a life time. (Nel your a keeper).

A Sharp Woman