Comfortable

On a Sunday afternoon, a friend and I are chilling and she gets a call (from her boo)... After the call she quickly interrupts our outing and informs me that we had to get back to her house so she could shower and roll out to her boos house. During the phone call, her boo did say that she didn't have to shower and could just shower at his house. She explained that we were together, that my car was at her house and that it only made sense for her to freshen up at her house. I mention that it was a Sunday, because she proceeded to pack an over night bag. She had planned to spend the night and go to work from his house.

Another friend, just recently started seeing this guy. She has spent the night a few times, but quickly runs out of his house early in the morning to avoid the morning breath encounter. I thought this was absolutely hilarious!!!! I had never thought about it before, and actually have no problem kissing my baby in the morning. I think he almost did/does it on purpose... I think it means something. But anyway. So I asked her, why don't you just get a toothbrush. But she is hell bent against it, saying she doesn't want to force anything on him?!?! Hmmmm, So I started thinking... then who gets the toothbrush and when?

Even funnier, One of my very best friends; who happens to be married...still doesn't pass gas in front of her husband. And she uses the bathroom in the basement to take a shit, away from him. HILARIOUS!!!! WTF?!?! I'm thinking to myself 'ya'll are married'... They have shared the most intimate and probably nastiest situations with one another, but she can't flatuate or excremate around him?

And of course All of those scenarios got me to thinking.... *laughing like shit* What is the amount of time that it is OK to shower at your boos house? or yours for that matter? And when is it OK to start bringing a change of clothes? Or leave clothes at their house. Does the boo then get their own drawer and/or closet space? And then what does all that mean? And when is it appropriate to really have a toothbrush at your boos house? If the girl buys it for either house, does it mean she's being too aggressive and moving too fast or just wants either of them to have fresh breath, before that morning kiss. But if he buys the toothbrush or refuses...what does that mean? And last but not least, the whole flatuating and/or excremenating around your boo. When is OK to flatuate around your boo or just the opposite sex for that matter. What about having to REALLY use the bathroom at their house? When is it OK? DO you tell or warn them, to avoid the awkward situation of them walking in after you and taking a whiff?!

As for me...clothes at his house are not a huge deal. I guess having at least a change of underwear is pretty important, but not that serious. I suppose if I know I'm staying and have something really important to do the next day, I may shower and bring a change of clothes or leave really early. However, a toothbrush at his house (to me) has NOTHING to do with rushing things or a commitment. A toothbrush simply means, I want to brush my teeth in the morning! And I try not to pass gas or do #2 around my boo, just don't think it's lady like. But I do think I pass gas in my sleep. *LOL* He's never said anything though, but I think I do. Oh, and it took me over 2 years to actually use the bathroom at his house. It just seemed weird and even to this day... I use the bathroom in the basement.

I mean when are you ever really comfortable?

Wedding Weekend...

Weddings provoke all types of emotions. There is absolute joy for the happy couple. Depending if you're friend or family to the bride or groom you then can also feel sadness, to see them and how they have grown. If you have children of your own, you begin to think of how your child's ceremony may be. And the emotions are endless; the tears of joy, the emense happiness, and of course that thing called love. I love weddings, love to plan and attend them, but unfortunately have never had one of my own. We just went to the justice of the piece. I should've known then. LOL.

And so...this weekend, I went to a wedding and went through a wave of emotions. All types of feelings went through my body...happy, anger, joy, sadness, delight and even a little disappointment... But before I go into my pitiful emotionally unstable state...the weekend was GREAT!!!

The weather was perfect and beautiful, the ocean water was brilliant, ALL the food all weekend long was amazing, the hotel was fabulous, the people were pleasant, I had spectacular sex, and just had a phenonmeal weekend!!! We partied like rocks stars...gay men hit on my date (HILARIOUS!!!), I saw a completely naked man dancing with a pink boa, we danced and drank till who knows what time in the am, and I got toys from the sex store... Oh, and I looked cute, which always helps make the day/night that much better....

As for the wedding. The bride was georgeous and her ceremony was perfectly lovely...but as the day progressed, I fought back the tears the entire time. The occasion was joyous and I was delighted for the couple. But I couldn't help but think of my failed marriage and what marriage is about and what love really means. I have no regrets that I ended my marriage. It was the best thing I could've done for my self. But now, I never want to marry again. And I couldn't help think about the love of my life and his marriage. I can and will never understand how, I found myself in that situation and I don't know if I will ever fully recover from the experience. But what I couldn't help think about most was the concept of love...

We have no control who we fall in love with. And once you find and have love, it should be cherished. Love is special! Love should never be taken for granted and people have to really begin to value what it means when someone gives you love and their heart. Love should be protected always and can't and should never just be thrown away. I may never marry again, or get MY wedding. But I do know what love feels like...I know how it looks at me, holds me, smiles at me, and a love like that can never be replaced...

Through all the sadness, I felt love during a wedding weekend.

The usual topic

I had the opportunity of meeting 2 lovely young ladies. Only after a few hours, we were talking like we had been friends for years. And the usual subject matter...MEN.

*Insecurity vs. Woman's intuition, *Marriage, *Should I stay or should I go?, *I know he's cheating/Well I think he's cheating, *Baby daddies, and *Facebook LOL

We lost track of time just bantering about it all. No matter the circumstance...single, attached, co-habitants, dating, engaged, married, divorced, separated, about to break-up, we all have our own perspective of the male counter part. We've all had 1 or 20 experiences with men. Relationships with men can prove to be one of the most difficult things many of us do. And we are always questioning what it is that we are doing or should be doing in the relationship. We question our feelings, thoughts, philosophies, actions and we doubt our intuitions. We push away our families and friends, we become someone else.

At the end of the day...there are so many really good woman out there that just want to give love and be loved. And so many woman just want to be in good relationships. I don't know why it's so difficult. Or why men seem to be the common factor of the difficulty. And maybe I'm bot being fair by blaming men...BUT, statistics and research and rates all seem to show that there is a deficiency in the male make up (for relationships)...May they be gay, incarcerated, liars, pathological cheaters, sexually addicted, demanding egotistical misogynistic assholes, or just the inability to commit. Women will continue to question men and our relationships with them.

I enjoyed our talk and will definitely talk with them again and will also begin more dialogue with women about our take on men on earth but from Mars!!!

His Wedding...who knew?!

We had known each other for a few months. I really liked him. NO, I REALLY LIKED him. He was exactly what I wanted, he was exactly what I needed. He treated me like a queen. He made me laugh, he made me happy...This was my new best thing. He had the look, he had the talk, he had swag, he had the goods and he had me wide open...

We laughed, we talked about everything, we were together all the time-he hung out, we traveled, we made love, we were happy, we were a couple.

So...LONG story SHORT!!!!

One weekend, one of his really good friends came into town. That Friday...my girl, me, his boy and him all hung out. We had a good time. They went to a poker party later that night. The next day, his boy my girl and I grabbed lunch. During lunch, his boy mentioned that he was going to a wedding. My girl volunteered to be his date. He declined her invitation and we thought nothing else about it. For the rest of the weekend, my girl and I figured they were male bonding... His boy, then vanished back into the mist.

A few days later, my baby decided to take a trip to St. Thomas. He invited me and I joined him a few days later. We had an amazing trip. Like many of our others, but more special.

Weeks and months went by and I couldn't have been happier...

UNTIL!!!! We went on another trip and I got a rude awakening...he decided to tell me he was married and that he had been married the entire time we had been together.

Yeah, so...
That weekend that his boy came into town and they went to the poker party!?
That was his bachelor party!
AND
That trip to St. Thomas?!
That was his honeymoon!?!? (He sent her home and had me join him?!?!)WTF
AND
That wedding that his friend mentioned he was going to?!
That was HIS wedding..who knew?!

His Wedding

When I was 13, I met the sweetest guy. He was kind, fun, smart, and funny. He treated me great and I was happy. We hung out as often as possible and he eventually became one of my best friends. I met and loved his family and he mine. This went on for almost 3 years, till I learned he really liked me. More than liked me, he loved me. He wanted to be more than friends and talked about the future. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I hated that he wanted to change our friendship into something more. I liked how we were. I was good. But, after lots of thought...I figured it may not be so bad, we became a couple.

We had a great summer and then he went away to college. The relationship lasted no time. We broke up but remained really good friends. He was a friend and supportive throughout my 1st pregnancy (he took me to a couple of OB appointments). I was a friend and supported him through an ugly custody battle with his 1st sons mother. And though he didn't like it, he supported me through my many ill fated decisions about my ex-husband.

We maintained a friendship for many years. After my divorce he shared that he loved and was still in love with me. I was taken aback by this proclamation...he had since became involved with a young lady, had another baby, was co-habitating and was planning to marry her. He said he would throw it all away if I would just say the word, WOW!!! (that was 5 years ago)... I took a step back and decided that our friendship was not healthy for him and his relationship. I stopped all communication... I missed my friend but knew it was for the best.

So, the other day...I got an invitation to his wedding.

I won't be going...

My Neighbor

The day I unloaded the UHaul truck, to move into my new house I met my neighbor. Well, actually we only spoke pleasantries. I never got his name and he never brought me the welcome to the neighborhood cake. We always waved in passing but never had more than 5 real words to each other. The basic... "Hey" "How are you?" "Beautiful day. Gonna wash your car?" "Have a good day." That lasted for almost 2 years.

I've since learned his name, that he met his wife in the DR, they have no children-only a really cute dog and that he works and then works out (I suppose he does have a nice body). But, had it not been for a short term house guest, I may have never learned that much. It seems my house guest and him became friendly during her stay. They would chat and hang out when I wasn't home. After finally being actually introduced, we would chat from across our yards. Every once in awhile, we would chat in one of our yards. I provide all this background to lead up to the issue...my neighbor likes me. No, he wants to sleep with me. His intentions are and would not be to court, date, chill, hang, or attempt to be with me-he just wants to fuck.

We've hung out twice. The 1st time was the (basic married man's/prep cheating) sob story about his marriage. Blah, blah, blah. I was ok with this very neighborly type hangout and felt that we could be cool. I figured everybody needs someone to talk to-a friend, when you need to talk , vent or cry. HOWEVER, the in passings became..."we should hang out" (wink, wink), comments about my boyfriend's car(s) ("still rolling with him and not me huh?"), comments about me, "Damn, you looking good today" and questions, "When you gonna let me 'take care of you'". I ignored the inappropriateness and just charged it to a man flirting. But the 2nd time we hung out (over drinks) it was a full blown conversation about what he wanted to do to me-How he wanted to beat it and eat it up. WOW Neighbor!?!?

Now, don't get me wrong. I liked the every once in a while flirty comments...the you look cute today" ones-it's good for my ego. I didn't mind being a friend/a shoulder when he was whinning about his cheating wife. And the beat it eat it conversation was interesting, but, I wasn't and am absolutely not interested. Which got me to thinking.... Do you really have sex with your married neighbor?!?! I mean everything about that is very wrong and very bad!!! He's married! The sex could be good or bad (for me or for him), either way the ramifications of either couldn't be good. The possibiloities of that bullshit would be endless.

I've since...stopped landscapping my yard...I get Juan to do that. I don't take out my trash...I get my son to do that and I only leave the house when it's dark. Because at the end of the day. I don't want my house burnt down.

Ungrateful

How and why does a woman get a good man and let him go. How and why does a woman get a man but she doesn't appreciate all that he does for her? How and why does a woman marry a man that she actually doesn't like but stays...because she knows he's good to and for her. How do good women miss out on good men, that end up with ___________I won't call 'em that, you fill in the blank.

So, I have a friend (well not really a friend, more like an acquaintance) who is married to a really great guy. And when I say a great guy...I mean the works hard (to provide for his family), cleans (washes clothes and dishes and makes sure the house is germ free every weekend), takes care of his woman (the running of bath water after a long day, feet and back rubs, warming up the car in the winter, taking it to get washed and every three month maintenance)nurturing the children and NOT cheating kinda great guy. He has a good job, doesn't live with his mother and is actually good looking. He does community service AND goes to church. Yep, just a great guy.

Everyone knew he loved her by the way he looked at her. (You can always see it in a mans eyes. when he really loves a woman) He proposed to her at an NFL football game in front of millions and they had a BEAUTIFUL wedding (that I of course planned and coordinated)... He bought her a gorgeous house, nice car and they even take vacations...But she wasn't happy then and not happy now. So why the hell did her ass get married. Why did she take him off the market and not allow some other more grateful woman take advantage of Queendomness (yes I free styled that one).

It bothers me greatly! It bothers me that even when he is busting his ass to make her happy, she finds any and everything to complain about. While he continues to run about oblivious to her complaining only feet away. It bothers me even more, that on the days that she has decided to nag, bitch and moan at him. That he often sits in denial excusing her for her behavior stating "she's just having a bad day"?! Yeah, a 10+ year long bad day. And when he's drunk enough to talk about it, he blames himself. WTF!!!!! He doesn't even beat her LMAO. (I do NOT condone physical abuse or domestic violence...it was just a joke).

Where do we find these men. Where are they hiding? And how and why did I miss the draft for that army of men, so I could sign up? She has no idea how good she has it, and won't step outside her own ego and selfishness to see it. She is emotionally abusive, which can be as damaging as physical abuse and doesn't even kow it. She will never leave him and he will never leave her. Pity!!! I suppose that I should be happy that she has a good man. But I can't when she treats him so poorly. I should be happy that there is still hope out there for other women, to find a great guy. I should just mind my business but...

Her ass is truly ungrateful.

Fools Rush In

This month several couples I know have celebrated and will celebrate their anniversaries. Each one 10+ years. They all met and married under different circumstances, but have managed to stay together. One couple sent me flowers and a thank you card-thanking me for them being together. I only took the credit for the introduction. While another couple still together, they seem strangely unhappy. I don't take credit for anything wrong with that one. Then there's the couples that others only dream to mimic, the ones that have been married 15, 20 and 25+ years.

But I also have a few friends that though together for many years are just not ready to hmmm lets say, make it official. They've been together for YEARS!!! Some with children others with none. They live as married couples but are hmmmm lets say (like Facebook) it's complicated. I support Happiness...whether married, in a relationship, or complications. Whatever it's called, I say do what's best for you!!!!

SOOOOOO.....Best maybe, taking your time...getting to know your partner; for however long that may take. Best maybe, taking your time....getting to know your partner-together;with no intentions of getting married; just being together. Best maybe, taking your time...getting to know your partner; as you plan your wedding. OR Best maybe.... Fools rush in.....

All the anniversaries being celebrated this month, they all did.

Married Male Friends....

I have a few married male friends. I've known them before they were married and a couple after they were married. Some of their wives I've met and know fairly well, while others remain a mystery. I get random text, forwarded silly e-mails and/or called when they want to hang out. And though these guys are handsome, successful in their careers and like to have a good time. I've never been intimate with any of them and don't want them in any way. They're just my boys...we're cool and I have no issue with our friendships. And so, as with your boys/girls....I just so happen to know their dirt. Yep, about their girlfriends/mistresses and or jump-offs. I realize the conflict in it all, but I'd rather not get involved....

But here is my issue. They love their wives. Their wives are beautiful, successful in their careers or happy homemakers, care for them and their children and have no intention of ever divorcing them. So why do they cheat on them? Why do they have their girlfriends/mistresses and jump-offs? Why do they love them but don't like them...hence why they don't hang out with them????? It perplexes me. Even more so, I'm more than confidant that the wives are fully aware of their husbands activities. Why is it acceptable?

One friend told me that as soon as he married (I'll call her Jane) that Jane changed. Jane had once been fun. He said Jane use to hang out and was a lot more spontaneous. I argued for her and explained, it's not so easy when Jane is the one taking care of the children. He stated, that she complains about not getting out or having fun anymore, but when given numerous opportunities. She denies them. I left that one alone because I don't know all those details. While another friend said, once he married (I'll call her Sally) Sally stopped having sex with him. I tried to argue again saying that her schedule was hectic and he was not helpful. He expressed trying to to help as well as getting her help i.e a maid or nanny and she declined. So, again not knowing all the details I backed outta that argument as well.

However, my final questions always change the tone of the conversation....Why cheat and stay married. Why does he put her through that? And in the cases that she knows-why does she stay? The only answers that are somewhat rational...she looks good on paper, it's cheaper to keep her and keeping the family together. So, I leave it alone. The man rationale is warped!!!!! My answer, they want their cake and eat it to with ice-cream on the side. All which causes tooth decay and halitosis of the mouth=BS!!!!!

But in the back of my mind, I can only think of who's reaping the benefits...hanging out at cool hott spots, eating at amazing restaurants, go places that the wife declined, and getting the married life with out being married.... IS THAT WRONG???