Comfortable

On a Sunday afternoon, a friend and I are chilling and she gets a call (from her boo)... After the call she quickly interrupts our outing and informs me that we had to get back to her house so she could shower and roll out to her boos house. During the phone call, her boo did say that she didn't have to shower and could just shower at his house. She explained that we were together, that my car was at her house and that it only made sense for her to freshen up at her house. I mention that it was a Sunday, because she proceeded to pack an over night bag. She had planned to spend the night and go to work from his house.

Another friend, just recently started seeing this guy. She has spent the night a few times, but quickly runs out of his house early in the morning to avoid the morning breath encounter. I thought this was absolutely hilarious!!!! I had never thought about it before, and actually have no problem kissing my baby in the morning. I think he almost did/does it on purpose... I think it means something. But anyway. So I asked her, why don't you just get a toothbrush. But she is hell bent against it, saying she doesn't want to force anything on him?!?! Hmmmm, So I started thinking... then who gets the toothbrush and when?

Even funnier, One of my very best friends; who happens to be married...still doesn't pass gas in front of her husband. And she uses the bathroom in the basement to take a shit, away from him. HILARIOUS!!!! WTF?!?! I'm thinking to myself 'ya'll are married'... They have shared the most intimate and probably nastiest situations with one another, but she can't flatuate or excremate around him?

And of course All of those scenarios got me to thinking.... *laughing like shit* What is the amount of time that it is OK to shower at your boos house? or yours for that matter? And when is it OK to start bringing a change of clothes? Or leave clothes at their house. Does the boo then get their own drawer and/or closet space? And then what does all that mean? And when is it appropriate to really have a toothbrush at your boos house? If the girl buys it for either house, does it mean she's being too aggressive and moving too fast or just wants either of them to have fresh breath, before that morning kiss. But if he buys the toothbrush or refuses...what does that mean? And last but not least, the whole flatuating and/or excremenating around your boo. When is OK to flatuate around your boo or just the opposite sex for that matter. What about having to REALLY use the bathroom at their house? When is it OK? DO you tell or warn them, to avoid the awkward situation of them walking in after you and taking a whiff?!

As for me...clothes at his house are not a huge deal. I guess having at least a change of underwear is pretty important, but not that serious. I suppose if I know I'm staying and have something really important to do the next day, I may shower and bring a change of clothes or leave really early. However, a toothbrush at his house (to me) has NOTHING to do with rushing things or a commitment. A toothbrush simply means, I want to brush my teeth in the morning! And I try not to pass gas or do #2 around my boo, just don't think it's lady like. But I do think I pass gas in my sleep. *LOL* He's never said anything though, but I think I do. Oh, and it took me over 2 years to actually use the bathroom at his house. It just seemed weird and even to this day... I use the bathroom in the basement.

I mean when are you ever really comfortable?

wanna FUCK my friends

I have a very small number of friends and an even smaller number of female friends. For the few female friends I have, I would say they are pretty women. And it seems my men agree...

My ex husband tried to fuck two of my really good friends. He denies it to this day, but I don't believe him. The "real" story, I heard from my friends and their men and another third party. Their stories all made more sense then my ex's bullshit ass lie.

I also believe, No, know that "my lover" fucked a few of my friends. His story, was also bullshit. Hence, the short lived "romance". And to no surprise, I've learned that there may have been an opportunity for yet another...fuck my friend. Of course everybodies stories are conflicting, but there was obviously someones intentions...

What the hell goes through a mans head when he decides he wants to step to his girls friend. Why do men find this ok and acceptable. Whether your relationship is going through a rough patch or not, it is NEVER OK for a man to consider being with his girls friend. It is NEVER OK for your friend to be put in that situation, it's NEVER OK for your man to put your girl in that situation and it's NEVER OK for your man to be in that situation.

I will not befriend ugly woman, to avoid my man wanting to sleep with her. I will also never under estimate the thought process of my man wanting to be with one of my cute friends.... Someone told me, not to be so tough on the guy that I should consider the "friend" as well. Good point, however...the situation has presented itself one too many times. Same situation, different men, same cute friends = same BULLSHIT! I can't help but believe that the man is at fault. I have SEVERE trust issues.

Why do I have to think about all those things?

Going out

WOW!!!! So, I haven't been out alone, on purpose by myself in soooo long.... I coordinated a friends birthday party and had to attend. So... I stood in line...What the hell? I haven't stood in a line in years!!! And then, had to pay a cover. A cover, what the hell is a cover? I haven't had to pay one of those in years as well. Guess my ass has just been spoiled...

After getting in, I was there for about 5 minutes...and I was ready to go!!!! But, I overcame...because I'm a good friend and hung for as long as I could! I said to myself, "I will leave at 11:30" and I laughed out loud at that, because who says, I'll leave at 11:30? Moreover, who the hell leaves at 11:30?

But, I endured... I waited in line, I paid a bullshit ass cover and went to the VIP section where the b-day party commenced... I bought myself and the birthday boy a drink and sipped for 1 and half hours... Yes, I drank ONE drink!!! LOL I was really ready to go!!! The men were wack! conversatio9ns boring! the music was only OK, the drinks were weak, the food was over priced and bland and I just wanted to be in my bed... I texted my daughter the duration of the time. And I thought of my baby, who I'm sure wasn't thinking of me.... I paid my tab and rolled the hell out! And now... I'm home at 12:02am on a Friday night/Saturday morning blogging...WTF?!?! so much for going out....

The usual topic

I had the opportunity of meeting 2 lovely young ladies. Only after a few hours, we were talking like we had been friends for years. And the usual subject matter...MEN.

*Insecurity vs. Woman's intuition, *Marriage, *Should I stay or should I go?, *I know he's cheating/Well I think he's cheating, *Baby daddies, and *Facebook LOL

We lost track of time just bantering about it all. No matter the circumstance...single, attached, co-habitants, dating, engaged, married, divorced, separated, about to break-up, we all have our own perspective of the male counter part. We've all had 1 or 20 experiences with men. Relationships with men can prove to be one of the most difficult things many of us do. And we are always questioning what it is that we are doing or should be doing in the relationship. We question our feelings, thoughts, philosophies, actions and we doubt our intuitions. We push away our families and friends, we become someone else.

At the end of the day...there are so many really good woman out there that just want to give love and be loved. And so many woman just want to be in good relationships. I don't know why it's so difficult. Or why men seem to be the common factor of the difficulty. And maybe I'm bot being fair by blaming men...BUT, statistics and research and rates all seem to show that there is a deficiency in the male make up (for relationships)...May they be gay, incarcerated, liars, pathological cheaters, sexually addicted, demanding egotistical misogynistic assholes, or just the inability to commit. Women will continue to question men and our relationships with them.

I enjoyed our talk and will definitely talk with them again and will also begin more dialogue with women about our take on men on earth but from Mars!!!

His Wedding

When I was 13, I met the sweetest guy. He was kind, fun, smart, and funny. He treated me great and I was happy. We hung out as often as possible and he eventually became one of my best friends. I met and loved his family and he mine. This went on for almost 3 years, till I learned he really liked me. More than liked me, he loved me. He wanted to be more than friends and talked about the future. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I hated that he wanted to change our friendship into something more. I liked how we were. I was good. But, after lots of thought...I figured it may not be so bad, we became a couple.

We had a great summer and then he went away to college. The relationship lasted no time. We broke up but remained really good friends. He was a friend and supportive throughout my 1st pregnancy (he took me to a couple of OB appointments). I was a friend and supported him through an ugly custody battle with his 1st sons mother. And though he didn't like it, he supported me through my many ill fated decisions about my ex-husband.

We maintained a friendship for many years. After my divorce he shared that he loved and was still in love with me. I was taken aback by this proclamation...he had since became involved with a young lady, had another baby, was co-habitating and was planning to marry her. He said he would throw it all away if I would just say the word, WOW!!! (that was 5 years ago)... I took a step back and decided that our friendship was not healthy for him and his relationship. I stopped all communication... I missed my friend but knew it was for the best.

So, the other day...I got an invitation to his wedding.

I won't be going...

Facebook F*CkS

If you went through your face book friends and counted...how many have you had sex with? What would that number look like? Do you still communicate with them? And Why? For future f*Cks? HMMMM. And do you send them b-day shout outs or respond to their status or comment on their photos? Do you send them the secret messages to their inbox? Why? What kind of friends are they really. Just thinking and asking. Assessing and reevaluating....Facebook Friends!?!?

My Neighbor

The day I unloaded the UHaul truck, to move into my new house I met my neighbor. Well, actually we only spoke pleasantries. I never got his name and he never brought me the welcome to the neighborhood cake. We always waved in passing but never had more than 5 real words to each other. The basic... "Hey" "How are you?" "Beautiful day. Gonna wash your car?" "Have a good day." That lasted for almost 2 years.

I've since learned his name, that he met his wife in the DR, they have no children-only a really cute dog and that he works and then works out (I suppose he does have a nice body). But, had it not been for a short term house guest, I may have never learned that much. It seems my house guest and him became friendly during her stay. They would chat and hang out when I wasn't home. After finally being actually introduced, we would chat from across our yards. Every once in awhile, we would chat in one of our yards. I provide all this background to lead up to the issue...my neighbor likes me. No, he wants to sleep with me. His intentions are and would not be to court, date, chill, hang, or attempt to be with me-he just wants to fuck.

We've hung out twice. The 1st time was the (basic married man's/prep cheating) sob story about his marriage. Blah, blah, blah. I was ok with this very neighborly type hangout and felt that we could be cool. I figured everybody needs someone to talk to-a friend, when you need to talk , vent or cry. HOWEVER, the in passings became..."we should hang out" (wink, wink), comments about my boyfriend's car(s) ("still rolling with him and not me huh?"), comments about me, "Damn, you looking good today" and questions, "When you gonna let me 'take care of you'". I ignored the inappropriateness and just charged it to a man flirting. But the 2nd time we hung out (over drinks) it was a full blown conversation about what he wanted to do to me-How he wanted to beat it and eat it up. WOW Neighbor!?!?

Now, don't get me wrong. I liked the every once in a while flirty comments...the you look cute today" ones-it's good for my ego. I didn't mind being a friend/a shoulder when he was whinning about his cheating wife. And the beat it eat it conversation was interesting, but, I wasn't and am absolutely not interested. Which got me to thinking.... Do you really have sex with your married neighbor?!?! I mean everything about that is very wrong and very bad!!! He's married! The sex could be good or bad (for me or for him), either way the ramifications of either couldn't be good. The possibiloities of that bullshit would be endless.

I've since...stopped landscapping my yard...I get Juan to do that. I don't take out my trash...I get my son to do that and I only leave the house when it's dark. Because at the end of the day. I don't want my house burnt down.

We Had Some Fun

I have a friend that I remember exactly how we met, but not the first place we ever went. From the moment we met, we've enjoyed each others company. We talk, we laugh, we cry, eat, drink and be merry!!! We watch and talk about movies. We laugh and quote movies. We watch and talk about people. We live and enjoy life. We've always had a good time. That's what we do, we get together just to have a good time. Nothing else makes sense.

But there are some times that I will never forget and are worthy of documenting....

Possibly due to some man issue-we went to the movies to see-Diary of a Mad Black Woman, yeah typical girlfriend hang out?! Nope, we brought sippy cups of Remy and that movie just wasn't the same.

Celebrating a friends birthday-we went to a hot lounge, where there was actually no room for dancing...So we danced on the tables and was asked to leave.

Having remembered how much fun we had at the hot lounge, we went back and met the "T's". The "T's" were a group of men friends who's names all started with T. The "T's" turned out to be great hang out buddies....We always went to cool spots-like concerts (with great seats), swank restaurants and sexy new lounges.

Because of our love for food, we are and were always eating...Ihop, was our friend after hanging out. One particular night, in an Ihop, Platinum P and Pantie freak made a not so connection LOL. Weird guy, whom I had just met wanted my panties? There was our Ben's Chili Bowl experience...How dare they run out of turkey dogs!!! Not everybody eats pork! I feel only a little bad for cursing out the staff. We loved summer nights in Adams Morgan-Our Heaven and Hell night was the best. Though we had a great time....waiting in that long line, Hungry! and excited to finally get my pizza, to have it fall to the ground?! Was Not cool! Damn right the guy who knocked it down needed to give me $20 for my $3 pizza. Always wanting "breckfus", one night, I mean morning we pulled tables together to have breckfus with complete strangers-that was fun. And the most memorable but still hurts my feelings and stomach...was the night, I mean morning we went to Kramers. They had a 'chef's special' salad, that was amazing. We went again the following weekend, just to get the salad ands it wasn't on the menu. We'll never get that phenomenal salad again. Disappointing!

We had plenty of strip club nights. With any and all of our guy friends. Great nights.

We had some guy friends that were tennis fans...you gotta love ballers! LuV, LUv LUVed...hanging with the tennis fans.

And like most friends, there is always the Miami trip. The Miami trip deserves it's own blog!

Was just thinking we had some fun!!!!

Cool with the EX

Is it really possible to be cool with your ex? Is hanging out platonically actually doable? I can confidently say yes, but only for myself. You see, I haven't been in love with my ex for YEARS!!! I'm not attracted to him in anyway and I barely like him. So sex thoughts NEVER cross my mind...I didn't necessarily like it when I was with him then so I'm more than positive I won't like it now. But don't get me wrong, I care about him deeply, but have no interest in rekindling anything at any point. We are just cool.

So, it's funny to hear that all his current girlfriends are concerned about us being cool. They seem extremely jealous and overly insecure about me. I get that I'm the mother of his children, we have history and I happen to still look as good as I did 15 years ago if not better now. And of course, no one can ever hold a match to me in being able to really be the one he truly loves. But hey, I digress.

My thought however is, who she/they should really be more worried about is him....I get that he still loves, wants to be with me, blah, blah, blah. I'm the mother of his children and still hott, blah, blah, blah. We still can make each other laugh and have a good time together blah, blah, blah. Did I already say and I'm still cute? LMAO!(I'm feeling myself today...good therapy session, glass of wine, oh and I have my lip gloss and heals on today):) But I reiterate...that's not for us anymore. Additionally, not only is he still trying very hard to reconcile, he is also still very hard at work in his old habits of entertaining several woman. He now feels comfortable to do it right in front of me.... So why is it me, that she/they are so concerned about? HMMMMMMM,

So is it hypocritical to question my guy friends relationships with his ex(es)? Is it wrong that my gut tells me 'bullshit' that he is no longer attracted to her/them and or that they are not or haven't been intimate? Does it make sense that I'm completely insecure that his ex(es) are sexy, successful and may have pleased him sexually better than I ever did? Is it crazy when he tells me, that none of those relationships are for him, not interested in reconciliation for any of them,that he is not attracted to them and that they are just cool?! Hmmm, he's just cool with his ex my ass... They still talk (probably more than we do) and text and e-mail too for that matter. They hang more than we do. Shit, their actually more of a couple than we are...Yeah, cool with his ex.

Fools Rush In

This month several couples I know have celebrated and will celebrate their anniversaries. Each one 10+ years. They all met and married under different circumstances, but have managed to stay together. One couple sent me flowers and a thank you card-thanking me for them being together. I only took the credit for the introduction. While another couple still together, they seem strangely unhappy. I don't take credit for anything wrong with that one. Then there's the couples that others only dream to mimic, the ones that have been married 15, 20 and 25+ years.

But I also have a few friends that though together for many years are just not ready to hmmm lets say, make it official. They've been together for YEARS!!! Some with children others with none. They live as married couples but are hmmmm lets say (like Facebook) it's complicated. I support Happiness...whether married, in a relationship, or complications. Whatever it's called, I say do what's best for you!!!!

SOOOOOO.....Best maybe, taking your time...getting to know your partner; for however long that may take. Best maybe, taking your time....getting to know your partner-together;with no intentions of getting married; just being together. Best maybe, taking your time...getting to know your partner; as you plan your wedding. OR Best maybe.... Fools rush in.....

All the anniversaries being celebrated this month, they all did.

His Friend?!

Women know when their husband's or boyfriend's friends like and flirt with us. And we also know if and when we give it attention. So is it ok that after you've broken up that you can then hang out, like and flirt back with him. And do you tell your ex? Do you get or need his approval? Do you or can you have sex with him and or possibly consider marriage? And what if you and your ex get back together after said relationship occured. Is that weird? Is it wrong and do you at any point ever tell your ex? And who is or was the aggressor when the circumstances were presented?

I've been in, know some of my girls have been in and a couple of my girls are in such situations....So let's explore this.....

-Flirting back and then hanging out-> I think ok, but ONLY, after the relationship is over and as long as you don't have sex with the friend!
-Having sex with the friend-> Never tell the EX! Just NEVER have sex with the friend hmmm or maybe the EX again.
-Having sex and then deciding to marry the friend-> I think a REAL conversation is in order!!! But don't have sex with the EX again. LOL.

DAMN his sexy friends!!! Why wasn't it his friend before it was him? But HMMM, would it just be the same thing but the Ex was the FRIEND????

LMAO!!!

Married Male Friends....

I have a few married male friends. I've known them before they were married and a couple after they were married. Some of their wives I've met and know fairly well, while others remain a mystery. I get random text, forwarded silly e-mails and/or called when they want to hang out. And though these guys are handsome, successful in their careers and like to have a good time. I've never been intimate with any of them and don't want them in any way. They're just my boys...we're cool and I have no issue with our friendships. And so, as with your boys/girls....I just so happen to know their dirt. Yep, about their girlfriends/mistresses and or jump-offs. I realize the conflict in it all, but I'd rather not get involved....

But here is my issue. They love their wives. Their wives are beautiful, successful in their careers or happy homemakers, care for them and their children and have no intention of ever divorcing them. So why do they cheat on them? Why do they have their girlfriends/mistresses and jump-offs? Why do they love them but don't like them...hence why they don't hang out with them????? It perplexes me. Even more so, I'm more than confidant that the wives are fully aware of their husbands activities. Why is it acceptable?

One friend told me that as soon as he married (I'll call her Jane) that Jane changed. Jane had once been fun. He said Jane use to hang out and was a lot more spontaneous. I argued for her and explained, it's not so easy when Jane is the one taking care of the children. He stated, that she complains about not getting out or having fun anymore, but when given numerous opportunities. She denies them. I left that one alone because I don't know all those details. While another friend said, once he married (I'll call her Sally) Sally stopped having sex with him. I tried to argue again saying that her schedule was hectic and he was not helpful. He expressed trying to to help as well as getting her help i.e a maid or nanny and she declined. So, again not knowing all the details I backed outta that argument as well.

However, my final questions always change the tone of the conversation....Why cheat and stay married. Why does he put her through that? And in the cases that she knows-why does she stay? The only answers that are somewhat rational...she looks good on paper, it's cheaper to keep her and keeping the family together. So, I leave it alone. The man rationale is warped!!!!! My answer, they want their cake and eat it to with ice-cream on the side. All which causes tooth decay and halitosis of the mouth=BS!!!!!

But in the back of my mind, I can only think of who's reaping the benefits...hanging out at cool hott spots, eating at amazing restaurants, go places that the wife declined, and getting the married life with out being married.... IS THAT WRONG???

1st best friend

Added note for the day...
So, I really love my friends. But I have to say, with 1 e-mail to let them know I was blogging (LOL, that still sounds so funny to me) my 1st follower was a friend I've had for 25+ years. I haven't seen her in probably 20, but we still keep in touch. It's the coolest thing! Thanks for the support. Love Ya, CB.

Friends...no matter how far or near, they will always be dear.

Getting Started

So, a girlfriend says to me one day "Girl, your life is crazy. You should blog" And I was like,
"What? Blog? Blog what?" She said it didn't matter. The things that happen or have happened to me in the past few years, people would love to hear...They would laugh, cry, jump up and down and be sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for my next "blog". So, I thought about it. Did a little (and I mean little-lol) research and here I am.

She was kinda right, I don't know about the sitting on the edge of their seat part. But some crazy stuff has happened and definatley does happen to me. But I think I can jerk a few tears, crack a few smiles and maybe even get a few people out there to stop and go hmmmmm. I'll take it slow and when the good stuff happens I'll share. Or when I remember the great stuff, I'll be sure to post the memory.

But for starters...Thanks Nelly for the creative outlet.

*Thought of the day (I think I like that...I'm gonna do that when I "blog" LOL) Anyway, You never know which one of your friends will be that friend that makes you smile, brings out the good in you and earns their keep for the day or a life time. (Nel your a keeper).

A Sharp Woman