1 year ago today, I had major surgery. Could've not been here today. And I'm so blessed and happy to be here, living and enjoying LIFE. Though 2009 has proven to be difficult...with unemployment, bouts of depression, my drinking, emotional set backs, therapy and much much more. Today, I'm happy to be living.
I'm happy and so thankful for my amazing and wonderful children. They are in fact why I fight to live. I'm blessed with beautiful parents, an awesome family and phenomenal friends. I'm blessed to have a home to go to every night and all the amenities. I'm blessed that things can and could be so much worse, but are not.
I have so much more living to do and have only just begun. Things can and will only get and be better.
I am and will have and celebrate... A HAPPY LIFE!!!!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Out of the Blue
Days, weeks, months, years have gone by that I haven't thought about him, like that. I hated how things ended, but it made sense and was for the best. Every once in a while I would get those dumb forwarded text and/or e-mails but never put any energy into them, simply just pushed delete. So....how and why can and did he pop back up out of the blue into my life again? Like clock work, I have a disagreement with my boyfriend and ring ring guess who's in town and wants to grab a drink? Like clock work, when I'm in my feelings and dealing with relationship stuff.
I would get a call from him, of all people. The one, that could and use to make me weak in the knees.
I should've said "No", but I was curious. I was curious to chat, catch up and see what he had been up and into. I was curious to see what he looked, smelled and dressed like, since we last saw one another. I was curious why he was calling me. I was curious to see what my emotions would do.
We met at a bar (out in public on purpose!) and had a drink, 2 maybe three but I was in full control of all my capacities. He dressed the same-still casual suave. He looked the same, but in better shape (he'd been working out...he always had a nice body) But I was not moved. He still smelled delicious. But I did not get moist. He still had the softest lips and though he tried to kiss me during our hug I was not phased. I stopped him in the midst of his action and slid out of the hug. And he talked the same, the same bullshit before he walked out my door years ago. I did not waiver. He once had that touch that made me wobble, stutter and fall but those days were gone. Not how he looked, smelled or touched me made me wince.
And out of the blue as he reappeared wanting me to lay (on my bed) I sent him into the dark.
I would get a call from him, of all people. The one, that could and use to make me weak in the knees.
I should've said "No", but I was curious. I was curious to chat, catch up and see what he had been up and into. I was curious to see what he looked, smelled and dressed like, since we last saw one another. I was curious why he was calling me. I was curious to see what my emotions would do.
We met at a bar (out in public on purpose!) and had a drink, 2 maybe three but I was in full control of all my capacities. He dressed the same-still casual suave. He looked the same, but in better shape (he'd been working out...he always had a nice body) But I was not moved. He still smelled delicious. But I did not get moist. He still had the softest lips and though he tried to kiss me during our hug I was not phased. I stopped him in the midst of his action and slid out of the hug. And he talked the same, the same bullshit before he walked out my door years ago. I did not waiver. He once had that touch that made me wobble, stutter and fall but those days were gone. Not how he looked, smelled or touched me made me wince.
And out of the blue as he reappeared wanting me to lay (on my bed) I sent him into the dark.
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