Holidays-gift giving and receiving...Cards, candy, jewelry, clothes etc... When a man gives a woman a gift at anytime it means something. Actually, No matter what the reason or season. Men normally really have to like or care about the woman to even consider a gift....
So, when your man decides to give an ex/really good Friend a piece of jewelry...I pause. What the hell? What does that mean and why are you giving it to her? Jewelry is a token of something and woman take jewelry seriously!!!!
My friends, fiance wants to give his ex/"really good friend" a tennis bracelet. He hasn't given her 1 piece of jewelry but is adamant about given this ex chic this gift. I don't get it. But it's not my relationship to judge. But I would need to understand that relationship.... And I would want my token of....
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
He'll Never Believe
As many times as I've told my guy friend, I've only been with this amount of men...he'll never believe. He'll never believe that sex means more to me than a fuck. He'll never believe that what I do with and for him is ONLY for him, I don't do for ANYONE! He'll never believe that intimacy, love making-sex...is very special and means something to me. He'll never believe that I don't share or want to share that level of intimacy with anyone, but the man I love-him. He'll never believe that I don't put myself out there like that. He'll never believe that I respect myself-WAY TOO MUCH and more than just allowing some man to benefit from my goodies. He'll never believe that I'm terrified of diseases and my goodies are so sensitive that we see STD's coming, so we stay the hell away. He'll never believe that not allowing random men to get to me like that makes me feel good about me. He'll never believe that there are really women out there that care more about themselves and their bodies then people think. He'll never believe that I'm just not promiscuous, that I like the chase and not the act.
But what he does believe, is that I have the good good and can't bear to believe that I've given it to someone at all.
So, he'll never believe that I trust him enough to know that he can ever be faithful......
But what he does believe, is that I have the good good and can't bear to believe that I've given it to someone at all.
So, he'll never believe that I trust him enough to know that he can ever be faithful......
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Happy Life
1 year ago today, I had major surgery. Could've not been here today. And I'm so blessed and happy to be here, living and enjoying LIFE. Though 2009 has proven to be difficult...with unemployment, bouts of depression, my drinking, emotional set backs, therapy and much much more. Today, I'm happy to be living.
I'm happy and so thankful for my amazing and wonderful children. They are in fact why I fight to live. I'm blessed with beautiful parents, an awesome family and phenomenal friends. I'm blessed to have a home to go to every night and all the amenities. I'm blessed that things can and could be so much worse, but are not.
I have so much more living to do and have only just begun. Things can and will only get and be better.
I am and will have and celebrate... A HAPPY LIFE!!!!
I'm happy and so thankful for my amazing and wonderful children. They are in fact why I fight to live. I'm blessed with beautiful parents, an awesome family and phenomenal friends. I'm blessed to have a home to go to every night and all the amenities. I'm blessed that things can and could be so much worse, but are not.
I have so much more living to do and have only just begun. Things can and will only get and be better.
I am and will have and celebrate... A HAPPY LIFE!!!!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Out of the Blue
Days, weeks, months, years have gone by that I haven't thought about him, like that. I hated how things ended, but it made sense and was for the best. Every once in a while I would get those dumb forwarded text and/or e-mails but never put any energy into them, simply just pushed delete. So....how and why can and did he pop back up out of the blue into my life again? Like clock work, I have a disagreement with my boyfriend and ring ring guess who's in town and wants to grab a drink? Like clock work, when I'm in my feelings and dealing with relationship stuff.
I would get a call from him, of all people. The one, that could and use to make me weak in the knees.
I should've said "No", but I was curious. I was curious to chat, catch up and see what he had been up and into. I was curious to see what he looked, smelled and dressed like, since we last saw one another. I was curious why he was calling me. I was curious to see what my emotions would do.
We met at a bar (out in public on purpose!) and had a drink, 2 maybe three but I was in full control of all my capacities. He dressed the same-still casual suave. He looked the same, but in better shape (he'd been working out...he always had a nice body) But I was not moved. He still smelled delicious. But I did not get moist. He still had the softest lips and though he tried to kiss me during our hug I was not phased. I stopped him in the midst of his action and slid out of the hug. And he talked the same, the same bullshit before he walked out my door years ago. I did not waiver. He once had that touch that made me wobble, stutter and fall but those days were gone. Not how he looked, smelled or touched me made me wince.
And out of the blue as he reappeared wanting me to lay (on my bed) I sent him into the dark.
I would get a call from him, of all people. The one, that could and use to make me weak in the knees.
I should've said "No", but I was curious. I was curious to chat, catch up and see what he had been up and into. I was curious to see what he looked, smelled and dressed like, since we last saw one another. I was curious why he was calling me. I was curious to see what my emotions would do.
We met at a bar (out in public on purpose!) and had a drink, 2 maybe three but I was in full control of all my capacities. He dressed the same-still casual suave. He looked the same, but in better shape (he'd been working out...he always had a nice body) But I was not moved. He still smelled delicious. But I did not get moist. He still had the softest lips and though he tried to kiss me during our hug I was not phased. I stopped him in the midst of his action and slid out of the hug. And he talked the same, the same bullshit before he walked out my door years ago. I did not waiver. He once had that touch that made me wobble, stutter and fall but those days were gone. Not how he looked, smelled or touched me made me wince.
And out of the blue as he reappeared wanting me to lay (on my bed) I sent him into the dark.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
My Neighbor
The day I unloaded the UHaul truck, to move into my new house I met my neighbor. Well, actually we only spoke pleasantries. I never got his name and he never brought me the welcome to the neighborhood cake. We always waved in passing but never had more than 5 real words to each other. The basic... "Hey" "How are you?" "Beautiful day. Gonna wash your car?" "Have a good day." That lasted for almost 2 years.
I've since learned his name, that he met his wife in the DR, they have no children-only a really cute dog and that he works and then works out (I suppose he does have a nice body). But, had it not been for a short term house guest, I may have never learned that much. It seems my house guest and him became friendly during her stay. They would chat and hang out when I wasn't home. After finally being actually introduced, we would chat from across our yards. Every once in awhile, we would chat in one of our yards. I provide all this background to lead up to the issue...my neighbor likes me. No, he wants to sleep with me. His intentions are and would not be to court, date, chill, hang, or attempt to be with me-he just wants to fuck.
We've hung out twice. The 1st time was the (basic married man's/prep cheating) sob story about his marriage. Blah, blah, blah. I was ok with this very neighborly type hangout and felt that we could be cool. I figured everybody needs someone to talk to-a friend, when you need to talk , vent or cry. HOWEVER, the in passings became..."we should hang out" (wink, wink), comments about my boyfriend's car(s) ("still rolling with him and not me huh?"), comments about me, "Damn, you looking good today" and questions, "When you gonna let me 'take care of you'". I ignored the inappropriateness and just charged it to a man flirting. But the 2nd time we hung out (over drinks) it was a full blown conversation about what he wanted to do to me-How he wanted to beat it and eat it up. WOW Neighbor!?!?
Now, don't get me wrong. I liked the every once in a while flirty comments...the you look cute today" ones-it's good for my ego. I didn't mind being a friend/a shoulder when he was whinning about his cheating wife. And the beat it eat it conversation was interesting, but, I wasn't and am absolutely not interested. Which got me to thinking.... Do you really have sex with your married neighbor?!?! I mean everything about that is very wrong and very bad!!! He's married! The sex could be good or bad (for me or for him), either way the ramifications of either couldn't be good. The possibiloities of that bullshit would be endless.
I've since...stopped landscapping my yard...I get Juan to do that. I don't take out my trash...I get my son to do that and I only leave the house when it's dark. Because at the end of the day. I don't want my house burnt down.
I've since learned his name, that he met his wife in the DR, they have no children-only a really cute dog and that he works and then works out (I suppose he does have a nice body). But, had it not been for a short term house guest, I may have never learned that much. It seems my house guest and him became friendly during her stay. They would chat and hang out when I wasn't home. After finally being actually introduced, we would chat from across our yards. Every once in awhile, we would chat in one of our yards. I provide all this background to lead up to the issue...my neighbor likes me. No, he wants to sleep with me. His intentions are and would not be to court, date, chill, hang, or attempt to be with me-he just wants to fuck.
We've hung out twice. The 1st time was the (basic married man's/prep cheating) sob story about his marriage. Blah, blah, blah. I was ok with this very neighborly type hangout and felt that we could be cool. I figured everybody needs someone to talk to-a friend, when you need to talk , vent or cry. HOWEVER, the in passings became..."we should hang out" (wink, wink), comments about my boyfriend's car(s) ("still rolling with him and not me huh?"), comments about me, "Damn, you looking good today" and questions, "When you gonna let me 'take care of you'". I ignored the inappropriateness and just charged it to a man flirting. But the 2nd time we hung out (over drinks) it was a full blown conversation about what he wanted to do to me-How he wanted to beat it and eat it up. WOW Neighbor!?!?
Now, don't get me wrong. I liked the every once in a while flirty comments...the you look cute today" ones-it's good for my ego. I didn't mind being a friend/a shoulder when he was whinning about his cheating wife. And the beat it eat it conversation was interesting, but, I wasn't and am absolutely not interested. Which got me to thinking.... Do you really have sex with your married neighbor?!?! I mean everything about that is very wrong and very bad!!! He's married! The sex could be good or bad (for me or for him), either way the ramifications of either couldn't be good. The possibiloities of that bullshit would be endless.
I've since...stopped landscapping my yard...I get Juan to do that. I don't take out my trash...I get my son to do that and I only leave the house when it's dark. Because at the end of the day. I don't want my house burnt down.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Drunk A$$
Another one of those nights... A night when I don't think I've had that much to drink but I don't remember, because I obviously did have enough. I don't remember the last conversation I had or who I was talking to. Or if I was talking to anyone at all. I don't remember walking or getting into bed and I don't remember taking my clothes or shoes off. I just can't remember.
But I do remember what I drank-Remy Martin VSOP. That's my poison of choice. I remember who I was with. I remember that I was safe and didn't have to drive and didn't have to get up early the next day. But those things didn't matter to my boyfriend. He hates when I drink to get drunk. And rightfully so, I'm more than positive I'm not that cute, classy lady he knows so well. But at some point, my alter ego-who can be fun or not so fun...depending on what and how many drinks I've had comes out.
And I suppose I should know when to say when and know my limits, but sometimes I just don't and don't care. Sad but true. Even more sad is that, I like to drink but also don't have to drink. So why and how do I get so damn drunk? Why and how do I drink and then don't remember? HMMMM Maybe, I'm not drunk at all, but have multiple personality disorder. "I" don't have to drink, but one of my personanlities does. And one of my other personalities is a drunk a$$ and makes the 2 of us who can control the other forget everything, hence why we don't let her out too often. HMMMM. Split personalities........
But an interesting note, the same guy that hates when I'm drunk...doesn't complain about my drunk a$$ in the bedroom. So who the hell is he sleeping with?
But I do remember what I drank-Remy Martin VSOP. That's my poison of choice. I remember who I was with. I remember that I was safe and didn't have to drive and didn't have to get up early the next day. But those things didn't matter to my boyfriend. He hates when I drink to get drunk. And rightfully so, I'm more than positive I'm not that cute, classy lady he knows so well. But at some point, my alter ego-who can be fun or not so fun...depending on what and how many drinks I've had comes out.
And I suppose I should know when to say when and know my limits, but sometimes I just don't and don't care. Sad but true. Even more sad is that, I like to drink but also don't have to drink. So why and how do I get so damn drunk? Why and how do I drink and then don't remember? HMMMM Maybe, I'm not drunk at all, but have multiple personality disorder. "I" don't have to drink, but one of my personanlities does. And one of my other personalities is a drunk a$$ and makes the 2 of us who can control the other forget everything, hence why we don't let her out too often. HMMMM. Split personalities........
But an interesting note, the same guy that hates when I'm drunk...doesn't complain about my drunk a$$ in the bedroom. So who the hell is he sleeping with?
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
We Had Some Fun
I have a friend that I remember exactly how we met, but not the first place we ever went. From the moment we met, we've enjoyed each others company. We talk, we laugh, we cry, eat, drink and be merry!!! We watch and talk about movies. We laugh and quote movies. We watch and talk about people. We live and enjoy life. We've always had a good time. That's what we do, we get together just to have a good time. Nothing else makes sense.
But there are some times that I will never forget and are worthy of documenting....
Possibly due to some man issue-we went to the movies to see-Diary of a Mad Black Woman, yeah typical girlfriend hang out?! Nope, we brought sippy cups of Remy and that movie just wasn't the same.
Celebrating a friends birthday-we went to a hot lounge, where there was actually no room for dancing...So we danced on the tables and was asked to leave.
Having remembered how much fun we had at the hot lounge, we went back and met the "T's". The "T's" were a group of men friends who's names all started with T. The "T's" turned out to be great hang out buddies....We always went to cool spots-like concerts (with great seats), swank restaurants and sexy new lounges.
Because of our love for food, we are and were always eating...Ihop, was our friend after hanging out. One particular night, in an Ihop, Platinum P and Pantie freak made a not so connection LOL. Weird guy, whom I had just met wanted my panties? There was our Ben's Chili Bowl experience...How dare they run out of turkey dogs!!! Not everybody eats pork! I feel only a little bad for cursing out the staff. We loved summer nights in Adams Morgan-Our Heaven and Hell night was the best. Though we had a great time....waiting in that long line, Hungry! and excited to finally get my pizza, to have it fall to the ground?! Was Not cool! Damn right the guy who knocked it down needed to give me $20 for my $3 pizza. Always wanting "breckfus", one night, I mean morning we pulled tables together to have breckfus with complete strangers-that was fun. And the most memorable but still hurts my feelings and stomach...was the night, I mean morning we went to Kramers. They had a 'chef's special' salad, that was amazing. We went again the following weekend, just to get the salad ands it wasn't on the menu. We'll never get that phenomenal salad again. Disappointing!
We had plenty of strip club nights. With any and all of our guy friends. Great nights.
We had some guy friends that were tennis fans...you gotta love ballers! LuV, LUv LUVed...hanging with the tennis fans.
And like most friends, there is always the Miami trip. The Miami trip deserves it's own blog!
Was just thinking we had some fun!!!!
But there are some times that I will never forget and are worthy of documenting....
Possibly due to some man issue-we went to the movies to see-Diary of a Mad Black Woman, yeah typical girlfriend hang out?! Nope, we brought sippy cups of Remy and that movie just wasn't the same.
Celebrating a friends birthday-we went to a hot lounge, where there was actually no room for dancing...So we danced on the tables and was asked to leave.
Having remembered how much fun we had at the hot lounge, we went back and met the "T's". The "T's" were a group of men friends who's names all started with T. The "T's" turned out to be great hang out buddies....We always went to cool spots-like concerts (with great seats), swank restaurants and sexy new lounges.
Because of our love for food, we are and were always eating...Ihop, was our friend after hanging out. One particular night, in an Ihop, Platinum P and Pantie freak made a not so connection LOL. Weird guy, whom I had just met wanted my panties? There was our Ben's Chili Bowl experience...How dare they run out of turkey dogs!!! Not everybody eats pork! I feel only a little bad for cursing out the staff. We loved summer nights in Adams Morgan-Our Heaven and Hell night was the best. Though we had a great time....waiting in that long line, Hungry! and excited to finally get my pizza, to have it fall to the ground?! Was Not cool! Damn right the guy who knocked it down needed to give me $20 for my $3 pizza. Always wanting "breckfus", one night, I mean morning we pulled tables together to have breckfus with complete strangers-that was fun. And the most memorable but still hurts my feelings and stomach...was the night, I mean morning we went to Kramers. They had a 'chef's special' salad, that was amazing. We went again the following weekend, just to get the salad ands it wasn't on the menu. We'll never get that phenomenal salad again. Disappointing!
We had plenty of strip club nights. With any and all of our guy friends. Great nights.
We had some guy friends that were tennis fans...you gotta love ballers! LuV, LUv LUVed...hanging with the tennis fans.
And like most friends, there is always the Miami trip. The Miami trip deserves it's own blog!
Was just thinking we had some fun!!!!
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