It's in the back of my mind. It's that sick feeling in my stomach. It's the I know the truth but don't want to KNOW the truth. But, I ask the question.... "So, are you fucking someone?" The pause, the squirm, the body shift, the uncomfortable look in his eyes and then the answer.
"It's just a fuck"
Wow. That shit hits me like a brick to the head!!!! I knew but didn't want to know!
So, am I mad? Do I get angry? Nope...JUST HURT!!!! Disappointed!!! Frustrated! Why?! Why really isn't the question. I know why....he loves sex, needs his dick sucked. I guess we had that conversation? But I guess, what I thought it all meant-was something else.
But what does hurt is that, if it were me saying "It was just a fuck" he'd be crushed!!!! How dare I just fuck? But he can and does. Sex, Love making, just fucking-when you share that with someone other than the person you love and or care about you giving up a special piece of who you are! Does he care? Does he care that as he Just fucks...a piece of me dies each time.
Just a fuck?!?! WTF!!!
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