To SHAVE or NOT tO shave

As a teen, we begin to pay close attention when our breast Begin to develop and notice the fine hairs growing on our vajayjays. These developments put girls into woman status. And for as long as I've had pubic hair, I've kept my area tidy...being sure that it didn't peek through my panties on the sides. As I got older I even got a little creative. I tried the pub hawk, the landing strip with the arrow and the Bermuda triangle. But I was always more comfortable with more hair, then less.

Until, I got older. Once I became grown and sexy, I learned that less was more. And that men liked a clean poonanee (in all senses of the word). I even had friends that were wax gurus, but I was always too scared to actually do it. But one day, I did try it...and LOVED it! And became a true fan and advocate of the Brazilian wax. No itchy grow back and it last for weeks. THEN....the economy hit, so I had to stop. *crying*

However, though I no longer wax, I do still keep my little lady well groomed...UNTIL!!!! By special request my boo asked me not to shave...HMMMMM, though there were many thoughts behind this request, I happily obliged and haven't shaved in almost 2 months. Well let me edit that...I have shaved the attempted wholly mammoth that tried to grow between and down my legs. But I currently do in fact have a big foot down there.... LMAO!!!! I haven't had this much hair on my pussy in years!!! And funny thing, is I'm cool. I like not having to deal with the itchy grow back, the ingrown hairs and I like the grown woman look.

So, a funny situation ensued...my boo and I were about to have relations and I was lets say very self conscious. I hadn't really thought about the wild amazon that had been growing down there until the moment he touched my panties. But since by his request, he seemed thrilled to feel the goonie goo that has replaced his once perfectly pruned garden, we kept it moving. But I was still feeling a kinda way. I mean, I can grow it till I'm a full fledged orangutan, but it's something about letting him see it that way that makes me wince.

Silly I know, but hey he likes it and I'm cool...so I love it...less work for me.
I mean as a teen I was happy with my afro that grew in my special place...it meant I was a woman, well growing up at least. And I was always comfortable with hair. So, just because...some new fade of pubescent naked and bare adult snatch hit the scene, I didn't have to join the ranks. I forgot the 'be a leader not a follower' quote. LOL.


Hmmmmm, Let's see how long it takes for me to become full cave woman. LMAOROTF!!!!

Mama

Today's my mom's birthday. I would normally be stressing over what to get and/or what to send her but this year, I'll send her a card with a gift card in it and call it a day. I always wish I could do alot more for my mother and only want and wish her the best. But, I wish she wanted the same. It's too bad, that people often just give up and stop caring, about themselves and or life in general. So, today I'm conflicted about my mama.

My mother and I have had a very tumultuous past few months. She's been literally on her death bed a few times. So scary, thinking she may not live to see another birthday. I try to avoid those thoughts of what not having my mother and what that would look like, but they seem to haunt me. And by the grace of God, she seems to cheat death again and again. But when she's healthy, we argue about about her life choices that seem to continue to land her in the hospital. And we eventually stop talking. And we don't talk for weeks and months...and it kills me. Because no one should never not talk to their mothers.

The mother child relationship has to be the most dynamic relationship in the world. This dynamic is so deep and profound...it can explain, justify and provide understanding of why, how and who people are and become due to their relationships and/or the lack there of with their mothers. The same is true for father child relationships, but today I'm talking about mothers. And mine has made me a crazy woman... But I digress.

I don't like not talking to my mom. And I only prey she is doing what she wants today and is happy and healthy!!!

Happy Birthday, Mommy....

Stamina-Rx

I recently lost my check card, so I've had to use cash lately. I actually had to go into a gas station and pay for gas. I only mention this because, while in a gas station I noticed all the products they sell at the counter besides gum cigarettes and condoms. What really caught my eye was the plethora of sexual enhancement pills, specifically Stamina-Rx. Stamina-Rx is a little blue pill, that since it's with all the other sex enhancement pills...I'll just say it's a gas station version of Viagra. Anyway, to put all this into persprective. I never thought about it before. But my guy friend use to have hundreds of packages of them. Like he had stock in it. And I never read what it was (that was way too invasive of privacy) or cared until, I found a few empty packages AND condoms. I made a joke one day about it and he told me it was for energy. Energy for what? I didn't work him out like that...So, YEAH, I bet.

The shit I ignored and was always right in front of my face.....

Response to Follower

I recently received an e-mail from a follower of my blog. I must say, I was surprised! But I do appreciate her (maybe his) following and sentiment. It's reads....

"Dear Ms.asharpwomanslife, I've followed your blog now for about 3 months. I'm also a single parent and wanting to get my groove back. I like your honest and upfront tone in your blog about love, relationships and being a single parent and how you cope. But, I must say, I went back to read your older post and I'm alittle confused. My confusion started with your 3 strikes & your out post. It seemed that you have been in a relationship with your "boo", "guy friend" for some time now. But state that you've only had 3 real realtionships,your husband, a lover, and the love of your life. So is your "boo" or "guy friend" the love of your life? And then, here in lies the confusion and more so, what I would think to be a problem. In various post you blogged about "his wedding", "text messages" "why we fight" and "I miss us" so were these about your lover or your boo? Because, if they are about your boo aka the love of your life. He can't be the love of your life!"

Confused

And there it is...you put your life on blogger.com and they call you out. LOL. I loved it! Yes, Confused, you are correct and in fact NOT confused at all...

All of those post were about the love of my life. Actually the ONLY 2 about my lover were the ones titled "Out of the Blue". I think I'm pretty clear about the ones about my ex husband. But the others are indeed about, "the love of my life" So, yes...if you do read or have read them all and put it into context maybe you can see our or my roller coaster of emotions about us. There has been ALOT of funky shit that he has done and I added fuel to the fire. So, I am not without some blame. But all I can say is, you can't help who you love. But I DO know! I will NEVER let myself be there EVER AGAIN. and I'm NOT CONFUSED!!!!

Thanks for your e-mail. Keep reading, I have lots more random shit to blog about. Nice to know, someone is reading :)

they have NO KIDS

I don't regret anything about when I had my children. (Maybe who I had them with, but that's about it). They are the most beautiful thing I could have ever done in and with my life. I also know of the many women that are unable to have children and try so desperately to concieve, but are unsucsessful. I would love to donate eggs and or be a saragote to any of those women at any time. HONESTLY! And so, this is not about them. But, this is my disclaimer before anyone thinks, I'm hating or regretting my blessings of motherhood...

It drives me crazy when I hear or read about single, sucessful, and beautiful women complain about their lives of emptiness...they have no man, they have no children and they seem to be sooo unhappy. WTF, snap out of it and enjoy life!!! I so often wish, that I could just decide to drop everything, up and move and start over with my life every other year. Or, decide that I no longer want to work in whatever field and just start a new career. I wish I could just go back to school and be a life student and not worry about anybody elses tuition but mine!!! I wish I could be selfish and not have to be responsible or worry about anyone else but me. I wish I only had MY schedule to worry about. I wish I could worry only about MY shelter, food and how I will survive on a daily. I wish I could purchase the shoes and clothes I really want instead of compromising. I want to just go on a vacation on a whim, without thinking twice, planning around or feeling bad about it. I wish I didn't have to be so stressed about making ends meet or financial obligations because... I just wish!

But, that is not the case and so when I hear all these self proclaimed self help diva's dishing out advice about this and that (of which never takes into consideration women with children and how certain decisions, can, could, and would effect them) it truely pisses me off! I recently read how one unhappy lady, decided to up and move to New York to start a new carrer. In her reading, she was encouraging self impowerment and blah, blah, blah. I would never do that...and pull my children out of their great schools. Yeah right. WOW, what an expereince I'm sure it could be for me... I then read how another lady, decided to quit her job as a Lead CPA for a huge company to just write a book and go on a book tour, promoting her book. She was encouraging self improvement. And WOW, how I wish I could just write and publish my books and then go on book tours... Again, YEAH RIGHT!!! And I won't even mention the whole dating doctors...What the hell do I look like hanging out all the damn time and dating various men off and on. What type of message would I be sending to my daughter?!?! And what type of schedule would that look like?

Yeah, so all the self help, improvement, date divas, self impowerment and you go girls that can just do what they do... THEY ARE ANNOYING!!!!

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE Myself! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE my children and I know that I am a PHENOMANAL woman that can be and do anything (within the guidelines of my children LOL)!!! I have internal conflicts like the next woman, but I am and will be fine! The by chance self help, improvement, and dating advice and info I've heard and/or I've read...is just that. By chance! I don't take the shit they say seriously, to heart or even use what they say....because THEY HAVE NO KIDS!!!!

Just Sex

Is it possible for two people that really love each other but are no longer together to just have sex? Can you really separate the two...sex and emotions? Is and was our shit so fucked up that, the only thing we can do at this point is to have "just sex"? We can still laugh, act civil, and be intimate, but we can't seem to make our shit work. The chemistry is CRAZY. The sex is AMAZING! But is that really all? I suppose anyone can have great sex, but can anyone have great chemistry? Does intimacy not mean anything anymore? The kissing, the holding and the wanting and needing to please your partner. Chemistry, intimacy, and love makes really good sex/great sex....PHENOMENAL SEX!!! I mean shit, You can get up and go after really good sex, people pay for great sex and anyone can create an environment of pleasure for just sex. But chemistry?!. It's not just sex!

But if, just sex is what I can get...I'll take it.

New Therapy

So, my road trip has driven me to South Carolina. An eight hour drive (I didn't drive straight through) and worth it!!!! I'm using my Marriott points and staying at one of the resorts here. I'm gonna use all my points...to eat, go to the spa and anything else included in my package. It's beautiful here!!! The weather is great, 80+degrees and the water looks nice (but I probably won't get in it, I'll wear my bikini and look cute, but not swim). I brought my golf clubs, and though I don't "play", I will practice and hit some balls. That sounds VERY FUNNY!!!! And though, it's no where close to South Beach, Myrtle Beach it is.....

The drive was theraputic! And since I haven't seen my therapist in a few weeks now, I may just drive from now on to clear my head. I mean, most of the shit we talked about, I already knew...just never said it outloud, or never wanted to own it. Having an honest, unbiased, nonjudmental opionin or feedback of my thoughts, feelings, actions and experiences in itself was helpful. But, how long could I hold on to such a crutch. I'm a big girl, wearing big girl panties now and know what I need to (well at least should) do. So, though therapy was extremely beneficial and I learned alot about myself...there are some things that NOONE can say, do, or tell you to REALLY deal with this thing called life! And so, with little conflict, I had to break up with my therapist. Driving, is my new therapy outlet. I just nhope I don't wreck. LOL