Mama

Today's my mom's birthday. I would normally be stressing over what to get and/or what to send her but this year, I'll send her a card with a gift card in it and call it a day. I always wish I could do alot more for my mother and only want and wish her the best. But, I wish she wanted the same. It's too bad, that people often just give up and stop caring, about themselves and or life in general. So, today I'm conflicted about my mama.

My mother and I have had a very tumultuous past few months. She's been literally on her death bed a few times. So scary, thinking she may not live to see another birthday. I try to avoid those thoughts of what not having my mother and what that would look like, but they seem to haunt me. And by the grace of God, she seems to cheat death again and again. But when she's healthy, we argue about about her life choices that seem to continue to land her in the hospital. And we eventually stop talking. And we don't talk for weeks and months...and it kills me. Because no one should never not talk to their mothers.

The mother child relationship has to be the most dynamic relationship in the world. This dynamic is so deep and profound...it can explain, justify and provide understanding of why, how and who people are and become due to their relationships and/or the lack there of with their mothers. The same is true for father child relationships, but today I'm talking about mothers. And mine has made me a crazy woman... But I digress.

I don't like not talking to my mom. And I only prey she is doing what she wants today and is happy and healthy!!!

Happy Birthday, Mommy....

Going out

WOW!!!! So, I haven't been out alone, on purpose by myself in soooo long.... I coordinated a friends birthday party and had to attend. So... I stood in line...What the hell? I haven't stood in a line in years!!! And then, had to pay a cover. A cover, what the hell is a cover? I haven't had to pay one of those in years as well. Guess my ass has just been spoiled...

After getting in, I was there for about 5 minutes...and I was ready to go!!!! But, I overcame...because I'm a good friend and hung for as long as I could! I said to myself, "I will leave at 11:30" and I laughed out loud at that, because who says, I'll leave at 11:30? Moreover, who the hell leaves at 11:30?

But, I endured... I waited in line, I paid a bullshit ass cover and went to the VIP section where the b-day party commenced... I bought myself and the birthday boy a drink and sipped for 1 and half hours... Yes, I drank ONE drink!!! LOL I was really ready to go!!! The men were wack! conversatio9ns boring! the music was only OK, the drinks were weak, the food was over priced and bland and I just wanted to be in my bed... I texted my daughter the duration of the time. And I thought of my baby, who I'm sure wasn't thinking of me.... I paid my tab and rolled the hell out! And now... I'm home at 12:02am on a Friday night/Saturday morning blogging...WTF?!?! so much for going out....

Feeling Down

I love birthdays! Birthdays are very special to me. Birthdays are your special day! And for as long as I can remember, I didn't go to school or work on my birthday!!! It is MY own national Holiday!

So, I'm normally planning and preparing for a great birthday week and weekend the first week of January. But this year I feel really down. Don't think anyone even remembered. I would have normally received calls or text asking what I was getting into for the weekend. Or lots of cards in the mail by now. But this year nothing!!! Friday and Saturday nights, I was in my house. I did No drinking, I did no dancing I had NO FUN! All of which I normally do and love to do the 1st weekend of January!!! And for the day of my birthday...yeah, I just don't know.

I will admit I've trimmed the fat in terms of friends and men. I'm down to little to no friends these days because, not all friend are good or even really true freinds. And as far as men go...I'm absolutley done with entertaining and maintaining men in my life that don't really care about me or only want to eventually have sex. I'm a smart, cute and funny girl! I deserve a man that loves me for me! I want one man to provide all my emotional, mental, and physical needs. And all the random guys in the world will never truely do that, especially if they have hidden agendas. But I digress...so maybe this wasn't the time to trim...and maybe I wouldn't be so pitiful right now.

I suppose even more I'm really down because I miss my mom. She's sick and I haven't spoke to her. And my mom NEVER forgets my birthday! (but what mom does?). She always sends a card and always calls everyday starting January 1 until nightfall of my birthday. We talk about what I'm gonna wear, where I'm gonna go and what I'm gonna do. Funny...I've done no planning at all. Kinda lonely in this planning process this year....

Suppose...I'll go to my most favorite breakfast spot, maybe do a spa treatment, window shop (a cute pair of shoes would definitly make me happy) and a nice bougie/fancy place for dinner.

Anything to get me outta this funk....

Facebook F*CkS

If you went through your face book friends and counted...how many have you had sex with? What would that number look like? Do you still communicate with them? And Why? For future f*Cks? HMMMM. And do you send them b-day shout outs or respond to their status or comment on their photos? Do you send them the secret messages to their inbox? Why? What kind of friends are they really. Just thinking and asking. Assessing and reevaluating....Facebook Friends!?!?

Happy Birthday

I think I'm pretty good at remembering things. The basics at least...bathe, brush my teeth, do my hair, get dressed, eat...oh yeah make sure the kids do the same. Then there's the everyday mom stuff that you can put off till tomorrow...laundry, dishes, shop for toilet paper and toothpaste. But birthdays you can't forget! Family and friends won't say they're upset when you don't say something on their day, but deep down inside they're talking about you behind your back. LOL. And it's not that I really forget, I'm just known to kinda give them new birthday dates. So instead of the 24th, I thought it was the 21st. The problem with that is I still forgot to send a card. And honestly, there is no excuse. I can put the date in some kinda reminders system-they're everywhere...my phone, e-mail calendar etc.

HOWEVER....I still didn't send the card. Which leads me to my silly but real issue. I still like paper cards that come in the mailbox on my birthday. And I think some maybe not everybody else does too. BUT...you can send ecards cards to their "e-mail". And even then, you can put in the date to be sent. You can also send a text message or this one killed me..post it to their Facebook "wall", which will also send you a reminder. What the hell?! What happen to the thoughtfulness in going to the Hallmark store, perusing the aisle and selecting the perfect card (5 days before the persons birthday-because you remembered) and then sending the person their birthday card. And in it... would be a personalized message, pictures, money, gift card or something special. I would also find other cute cards for other occasions. I think everyone is just in a rush. A rush to get where is what I wanna know.

But then what happens to the card? What did the person do with it. Trash?! Well FYI...I've kept every single card someone has sent and/or given me....I suppose at some point it becomes hording but hey, I'm sentimental. I did hear that there is an organization that will take the cover of the card and recycle it for something. Maybe I'll research it more. Anyway...

So, if I haven't sent you a card this year, I didn't forget! I just gave you another birthday or simply wanted to send you a card that you got on your birthday. But check your e-mail or facebook wall post...Your HAPPY BIRTHDAY will be there...tomorrow.

Guess it's still the thought that counts